Thursday, December 8, 2022

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Truss book ‘Better than Sex’ releasing Dec 22

Truss book ‘Better than Sex’ releasing Dec 22
Truss book: The inside story of Liz Truss

With perfect timing, Harper Collins has scheduled the release of Truss Book ‘Out of the Blue: The inside story of Liz Truss and her explosive rise to power’ for 8th December – a date by which Truss herself, could possibly be working in a charity book shop.

Truss engaged the services of ghostwriters, Harry Cole and James Heale to tell the story of her incredible rise to failure, presumably because she is as incompetent literarily as she is politically.

I bet it’s a good, saucy read, though. An insider at Harper Collins sent the following short excerpt to the Suffolk Gazette in exchange for £500 cash…

Truss Book Spoiler

“So on the Tuesday, I said to Kwasi, ‘You do know that I will always love you, don’t you? No matter what happens. I never want to be apart from you.’ ‘K’ was irresolute (W.C. ‘showing or feeling uncertainty’). I was longing for him to say the same thing to me, but he was too busy playing with the solar-powered calculator his wife had bought him for Christmas. ‘Kwasi!’ Nothing. I was left, sat there, pretending to type some figures into the Excel sheet I was plotting the mini-budget on. I was dying inside.

‘Lizzie.’

‘Yes, Kwasi’ I wanted to say darling, but I daren’t.

‘You know these figures don’t add up don’t you?’

‘Figures? Erm, er, yes. I’m just looking at your figure, I mean the figures now.’

‘It’s just that I’m in the house tomorrow and I have to… you know… make some policy announcements.’

The Twist

I couldn’t take any more. The sexual tension in the room was overwhelming. I took a deep breath and tried to stand, but my giddiness got the better of me. I fell forwards into the deep shag-carpetted expanse of Kwasi’s large lounge ‘Eeeeeeeeew.’

‘Liz’beth!’

Happy Ending

That was the last, sound I heard before my eyes went boss. I was about to go full-on swoontard when I felt a powerful hand gently clutch my right-wing upper arm. The boofy sensuality of his touch made me come around instantly, and as I looked upwards, through my still partially bleary eyes, I could see his face. His beautiful, big, face. ‘K. I love…’

‘This country? I know Lizzie. I know. And I love this country too! Isn’t it wonderful!’”

Corrrrrr! Can’t wait until the 8th of December!

W.C. = Working Class

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