A rare Ford Transit-sexual tesla service van has been spotted near Ipswich.

From our Identity Politics & Motoring correspondent, Belinda Flange

Like to try out the new iPhone 14 brought to you by Samsung? How about a new Nintendo PlayStation 6 for little Tommy’s Xmas present? Or what about Pepsi’s new ‘Orangey Coke’ – not the real thing?

It’s not going to happen, is it? Or is it?

Gary Faggerley from Washbrook nr. Ipswich in Suffolk didn’t think so until he spotted a FORD TRANSIT CONNECT disguised as TESLA SERVICE VAN tonning it down the A14!

Is Brexit behind Tesla service van mutation?

“I’m a white van man and drive a Ford Connect myself. WTF? They run on EcoBoost petrol or EcoBlue diesel engines FFS” texted Mr. Faggerley to the Suffolk Gazette as he was driving down the fast lane on his way to work. “I mean, it’s like the people who make Quorn holding their Christmas party at a Mongolian Buffet or the Labour Party trying to get elected on the votes of people who voted for Brexit – i.e. completely disingenuous and undermining everything they pretend to believe in.”

What van driver had to say?

His text message continued “I’m late for pork and I’m drving aand eeeting a mccDonuts Sosge Mclmuffmuff so my spelking my bot be prfext. Anyeay, when I sawz the Fyord/Tisla, I cud see the Tsla skin Peelingg off arounfd the wheel archrs.   Itcwaasa was loike sumwun at Titla had kwixkly stuc it on bfrir goin to thir next jobbl. Wankers.”

That was the last we heard from Mr. Faggerley before reports of a multiple vehicle pile-up on the A14 started coming in to our news desk.