Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Suffolk’s steam-powered sheep gone in a puff of smoke

Suffolk’s steam-powered sheep gone in a puff of smoke

RURAL SUFFOLK – In a blow to Suffolk’s agricultural heritage, its iconic steam-powered sheep. A fixture of the county’s farming landscape since the days of Isambard Kingdom Brunel, face imminent extinction.

Farming Correspondent (intern): Ivor Traktor

The reason? Ambitious net zero targets set by narcissistic left-wing activists wielding the sword of environmentalism. Spearheaded by do-gooding organizations like Greenpeace, The Liberal Democrats, and climate activist Greta Thunberg.

Ideological agenda

Suffolk’s Steam-powered sheep, a marvel of ingenuity from the Industrial Revolution. Were initially hailed for their increased activity and tender meat. Thanks to a small combustion engine ingeniously installed in their northern regions.

However, as the world grapples with the urgency of climate change. These once-revered creatures have fallen out of favour. Deemed too environmentally unfriendly to roam the fields of Suffolk, ffs.

“Sacrifices must be made for the greater good,” proclaimed the idiot-in-chief leader of Suffolk Council, Marjorie Crab-apple, echoing the sentiments of environmental activists worldwide.

“As we pursue our ideological agenda of erasing all that is great about British history. We cannot ignore the detrimental impact steam-powered sheep have had on our efforts to achieve net zero emissions. Except for black sheep of course.”

Greenhouse gas

In their stead, plans are afoot to usher in a new era of sustainable farming with the introduction of wind-powered sheep. Harnessing the power of Suffolk’s notorious gusts, these eco-friendly ovines promise to graze with a conscience, their woolly coats billowing in the breeze as they dutifully reduce carbon footprints and embrace renewable energy.

But not everyone is ready to bid farewell to the steam-powered sheep. Traditionalists lament the end of an era, while some farmers express scepticism about the practicality of wind-powered alternatives. “It’s all well and good in theory,” remarked Suffolk resident, Jeremy Paxman, “but I’d like to see how those wind-powered sheep fare on a calm day.” Exactly.

As Suffolk grapples with the transition to a greener future, one thing is certain: the days of steam-powered sheep are numbered, consigned to the anus of agricultural history as a relic of a bygone, some might say better, era.

Meanwhile: Suffolk man forced to marry his goat

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