Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Suffolk men rejoice at opening of ‘the perfect pub’

Suffolk men rejoice at opening of ‘the perfect pub’
Suffolk men rejoice at opening of ‘the perfect pub’

IPSWICH, SUFFOLK – Ipswich pubgoers are raising their glasses in celebration at the grand opening of a new ‘perfect pub’ – the ‘John Thomas’.

By Consumer Correspondent: Colin Allcabs

The establishment, named after an extremely well-endowed 15th Century Englishman, is being celebrated for its innovative ‘bloke-friendly’ bar design which allows patrons to pour their own pints from customer-facing taps, revolutionizing the traditional pub experience.

But it’s not just the self-service beer taps that have punters lining up their tenners with excitement. The John Thomas bar also has urinals conveniently attached to the front of the counter. Offering patrons the unique opportunity to urinate and enjoy a pint …AT THE SAME TIME!

Pull & piss

Local men have welcomed the innovation with glee. Gone are the days of drunkenly navigating crowded pub toilets or queuing for the loo between rounds; at the John Thomas. Patrons can ‘pull and piss’ without stopping to wash their hands.

The perfect pub

Landlord, Barry Brewer, expressed delight at the overwhelmingly positive response to the unconventional bar layout. “We wanted to create a space where customers could enjoy a truly immersive drinking experience,” he explained. “With the beer taps at their fingertips and the convenience of on-the-spot urinals, we believe we’ve achieved just that. Sales have gone through the roof!”

Visitors at the John Thomas have wasted no time in making themselves at home. Relishing the opportunity to enjoy a leisurely pint without ever having to lose their place at the bar.

As word of the pub’s unique amenities spreads,. the John Thomas looks likely to become a fixture of the local drinking scene.

Stool joke

Amidst the rambunctious pub atmosphere, one question remained on the lips of the punters … now that the gents’ toilets are redundant, what are they going to do with the stools?

Meanwhile: Pensioner locked in loo for four days, knits scarf

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