Saturday, June 1, 2024

Reindeer quits Xmas

GARDEN CENTRE, SUFFOLK – Reindeer quits gig at garden centre because it was sick of being misidentified as Rudolph.

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Starlight, a reindeer with a distaste for seasonal stereotypes, decided that enough was enough while working at Green’s Garden Centre. After another day of being confused with his famous cousin.

Wrong assumptions

The breaking point came when, despite his repeated snorts of disgust and child-targetted flobbering. The ignorant children of annoying customers persisted in pointing to him  and calling “Rudolph! Rudolph!” Fed up with the misnomers and the relentless assumptions, Starlight decided to take matters into his own hoofs.

In a lightning flash that would have graced Santa’s sleigh, the cheesed-off Reindeer leapt out of its pen. Boldly strolled out of the Garden Centre, knocking over Christmas trees on his way. On the bustling road outside, traffic ground to a halt as the reindeer nonchalantly strutted along, causing holiday chaos. Passing cars honked their horns in a cacophony of confusion as the disgruntled reindeer asserted his newfound independence with a swaggering shake of his antlers.

Mulled urine and chocolate drops

Eyewitnesses reported that Starlight seemed to revel in the attention. Occasionally pausing to deposit festive surprises on the asphalt or urinate on car bumpers. Pedestrians and drivers alike were left dumbfounded. While Starlight’s reindeer buddies back in the garden centre stomped their hoofs in admiration.

The Revolution

As the news spread across social and local media Starlight was being lauded as the “Reindeer Revolutionary,”. A festive icon for those who refuse to be boxed into the clichés of yuletide mythology.

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