The BBC will cause uproar this week by insisting that children’s television favourites be remade to reflect a “modern and diverse Britain”.
Postman Pat is first for retirement and will be replaced by Postman Patel, a cheery new character who delivers the mail in inner city Birmingham rather than Longsleddale.
Also hanging up his tools is Bob the Builder, making way for Bartosz the Builder, who has moved to Britain from Poland to set up a new life for himself and his lovely family.
The BBC is also concerned that so many of the popular kids TV characters are men, so Fireman Sam is now being rebranded as Fireperson Samantha.
“Our children’s television shows are stuck in the 1950’s and need bringing up to speed with a modern and diverse Britain,” a BBC insider revealed.
“We needed a complete rethink of how characters are portrayed on the small screen so youngsters feel more comfortable.
“This is also a perfect way to reduce racism and feminism in the workplace.”
But the move sparked a furious reaction from some quarters. Suffolk UKIP councillor Major Reynold Besqinthorpe fumed: “This is utter nonsense from the left-wing BBC.
“Our children grew up with these beloved characters – there is simply no need to update them in this way.”
Mum of eight Phyllis “Phil” McCracken, from Great Yarmouth in Norfolk added: “This is political correctness gone mad.”
The BBC is likely to cause further outrage by insisting that Ivor the Engine be rebranded as a transgender express called Eva the Engine.
The lovable Welsh train will get into lots of arguments with the newly slimmed-down Thin Controller.