Monday, June 3, 2024

New wonder drug has nothing to do with women’s health

BOOTS, IPSWICH – Are you, or do you know someone who is a complete CUNT? Well, never fear because a new pharmaceutical remedy, ‘Cuntybiotics’ a wonder drug is here!

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Let’s be honest, if we aren’t a massive cunt ourselves, we all know someone who is. Your husband, wife, best mate, or next-door neighbour is probably one of the biggest cunts on Earth.

A wonder drug

Now, with the release of Cuntbiotics, the new wonder drug from Cuntaway pharmaceuticals, we can at long last rid ourselves of the cuntish behaviour of these horrible wankers… I mean, cunts.

Lying Bastard

Take for example your cheating husband who’s been shagging his secretary behind your back for the last 18 months. What a cunt. Don’t worry though, Mrs Johnson! Two Cuntybiotics, once, twice, three, or four times a day with his dinner should put an end to his cuntish behaviour once and for all. Sorted! And if they don’t work, you could always shag the postman while hubby’s at work!

Arsholes

What about your cunt couple mates who keep meeting up to go ice skating or to the nightclub behind you and your partner’s back? The fact that you always invite them to everything you do and always attend when you are invited clearly counts for fuck all. It’s so nice of them to post pictures of the rest of the gang at the new Italian restaurant in town on Facebook while you and your partner were at home watching University Challenge, totally unawares. Cunts. Why not send them 48 Cuntybiotics direct from the Boots website: £6.99 special cunt delivery.

Politicians

Cuntaway pharmaceuticals conducted clinical trials of its new wonderdrug at the Houses of Parliament over a 6-month period last year. Over 700 Civil Servants and Politicians from all parties took part in the extensive testing which threw up some unexpected results. Apparently, politicians and others working in the Westminster bubble are completely immune to the effects of Cuntybiotics and remained complete and utter cunts at the end of the trials.

WARNING! Cuntybiotics should only be taken as instructed by your doctor or as written on the prescription and should never be taken together with any of the following products: Wankadol, Shitheadamoxin, Prickoxifil, Bitchadin, or Twatamab.

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