Thursday, June 27, 2024

Cocaine-fuelled Suffolk shrimps behind £50m Norfolk beach drug haul

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Reporter

The discovery of drug-addled shrimps in Suffolk’s rivers has finally solved the mystery behind £50 million worth of cocaine washed up on Norfolk beaches in 2017, police have confirmed.

Detectives now believe the cocaine haul was destined for the crack dens of the rivers Orwell, Alde and Lark where it would have been cut and distributed to junkie shrimps and lobsters throughout Britain’s waterways network.

University boffins discovered this week that shrimp caught in 15 locations across Suffolk tested positive for cocaine.

Undercover drug cops now believe a mysterious Codfather-like figure, known as Lobster the Mobster, is masterminding the shipments and distribution of drugs. “He’s the big fish we’re after,” said one.

Lobster the Mobster

“Drug use amongst Suffolk’s shrimps is reaching epidemic proportions,” a police spokesman said.

“Taking cocaine is not clever, it’s shellfish behaviour. We urgently want to speak with Lobster the Mobster and his henchmen, Ronnie and Reggie Krayfish” he added.

He explained the £50 million haul, which was washed up in Norfolk in 2017, was meant to be brought up the River Orwell towards a shrimp den near Ipswich.

Drugs on Norfolk beach
Drugs washed up on Norfolk beach in 2017

“But we believe the inflatable boat bringing it in was punctured by Lobster the Mobster’s claw and sank, leaving the tide to take the bails of coke to Norfolk, where some locals tried to pinch it.”

The public is urged to watch out for spaced-out shellfish in Suffolk and to check their prawn sandwiches do not contain a mysterious white powder.

“Prawn barons are not welcome in Suffolk,” anti-drugs campaigner Lorraine Fisher, 34, said.

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