Global Environmental campaign group, Greenpeace has announced that it is giving up trying to save the planet.
The acclaimed international network of do-gooders, was initially set up in Canada in 1971 by a couple of long-haired,.American hippies, with a stated mission of “ensuring the ability of the Earth to nurture life in all its diversity”. However, fifty-three years later, with issues such as climate change, deforestation, overfishing, and anti-nuclear issues still worsening, the group has announced, via a new marketing campaign, that it is giving up on Earth.
Shitting on our own doorstep
If past experience is anything to go by, the shocking campaign poster showing a papier mache model of planet Earth being unceremoniously dumped in a wheelie bin, is likely to go ignored, just like the group’s thousands of other warnings about humans’ self-destruction of the planet we call ‘home’.
Time and again, we heard them, moaning about how we should stop using spray-on deodorants as they were destroying the Ozone layer, and how we shouldn’t dispose of cotton buds down the toilet because they ended up being used as hobby horses by seahorses.
On and on they went, but were we listening? No, of course not. We were too busy scoffing deforestation burgers from polystyrene boxes we threw out of our car windows, or quaffing six-packs of lager leaving the plastic ringers to throttle and kill innocent marine animals. We basically didn’t give a shit, and now, neither does Greenpeace.
Green Peaced off
Lorraine Fisher – 34, Spokesperson for Greenpeace UK, told this reporter “Screw you. That’s the message. We f*cking give up. What’s the point? You’re all scum anyway. I guarantee, even as I am saying this,.there will be some pikey scumbag somewhere in Suffolk, fly-tipping a piss-stained mattress and some shit-skidded baby clothes all over our beautiful countryside. Or some chavvy wanker throwing a coke can onto a railway track. People obviously don’t care that we are ruining our planet, and that one day our children will have to eat plastic because we have polluted our seas and countryside beyond natural use. We tried, but now you’re on your own, you ignorant f*ckers.”