Queen & King of Los Angeles, Meghan & Harry Windsor, have completed their transition from dignified British royalty to US trasherati by putting on 105lb of body fat between them.
Spotted out shopping together in the Burbank branch of Walmart. The two chubby celebrities made straight for the home baking. Aisle to gather up armfuls of Bisquick pancake mix and six family-sized bottles of real Maple syrup. God only knows who was looking after Archie and Lilibet?
Heretofore predilection
Whereas keeping in trim and having a slender appearance is de rigueur in British high society,.Being fat in America is normal. Commenting on ‘Hareghan’s’ new portly image,.some US celebrity watchers have expressed surprise at their willingness to so happily blend in with US ‘fat culture’,.characterizing the move as a major departure from their heretofore predilection for standing out from the crowd. Other commentators say that ‘comfort eating’ is the real cause of the ‘popular’ couple’s extraordinary weight gain.
One shopper who witnessed the royal(ish) supermarket sweep, said,.Referring to Meghan’s new image “’Fat’ is not really the right word. I would say she looked more ‘dumpy’, ‘calorific’, or just ‘heavy.’”.Harry’s appearance was variously described by other shoppers as ‘blubbery’, ‘suety’, ‘king sized’, and ‘double-chinned’.
With half of Megharry scheduled to attend King Charles III’s coronation ceremony in London on May 6th,.concerns have been raised about Harry’s weight precluding him from riding a cock horse in the heraldic-heavy pageant. Aides to the King (of Los Angeles) fear that he may not be able to play a full part in the parade,.despite him not actually believing in royalty, except for where it applies to his, his wife’s, and his children’s titles.
Fit for a King & Queen (of Los Angeles)
Bisquick is a pre-mixed baking mix consisting of flour,.shortening, salt, sugar, and baking powder ideal for quickly preparing things like pancakes,.American-style biscuits, and diner-style muffins – basically, all the stuff that will make you look like a fat American – just like Meghan & Harry.
The self help to sleep book, which has sold over a million copies in its first week since publication.
Ever since the publication of Dale Carnegie’s 1936 self-help book, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ – one of the best-selling books of all time – self-appointed influencers, lifestyle coaches, and gurus, have used the concept of ‘self-help’ to ‘help-themselves’ to great wealth and success by doing nothing more than stating the bleeding obvious.
For example, the big secret in Carnegie’s book is… if you wish to become popular… wait for it… be nice and show a genuine interest in other people.
And?… Is that it? No, surely, it can’t be! For it is not other people whose characters are in question here… it is our own. It may well be that the people we choose to associate with are interesting, intellectual, or entertaining, but that doesn’t stop us from remaining dull, uninspiring halfwits, does it? There must be more to it than that.
Well, according to the success of a new book called ‘How to sleep well’, by Canadian sleep expert Dr Honeydew Snuggles, there is not. Self help, it turns out, is easier than we previously thought. Which sits at the top of the best-seller list, is, according to reviews, a revolutionary aid in the treatment of insomnia (or to give it its clinical name, ‘tossing and turning all night, pointlessly and repeatedly thinking about the things that upset you the most.’)
Woke reporting
Being someone who has on occasion woken up three or four hours earlier than is ideal, I decided to buy a copy of the book and read it on the train to work. Here’s what happened…
For once, I managed to get a seat on the 7.10 from Beccles. It’s a good hour and forty minutes into Derby Road so I knew I could get right into the book. Normally, I would offer my seat to an old lady, a cripple, or a fit younger woman, just to impress her, but I decided that today I would be a selfish, inconsiderate bastard and just stay seated regardless of anyone who might appear in front of me in greater need than myself. I settled down into my seat, turned up the collar on my overcoat, put on my reading glasses (+3, £2.99 from B&M ), and began to read…
Another bloody sleepless night
After an overlong preface minutely detailing her family tree, education, umpteen qualifications, and a never-ending list of celebrity endorsers, Honeydew finally begins chapter one with a journey into the mind of a 37-year-old, menstruating insomniac. Okay.
As I read on, the repetitive rocking motion of the train, coupled with the fact that I had had very little sleep the previous night, began to make me drowsy. I could feel my eyes starting to close and I knew I was in trouble after I realized I’d read the same sentence five times. Soon, I was heading the imaginary football. I must have done that four or five times.
I was struggling to stay awake but conscious of not wanting to fall asleep and allow my nodding head to drop onto the shoulder of the person next to me. Nor did I want to become unconscious, as this would have caused my head to slump forwards, my face to gurn, and my mouth to dribble saliva over the floor of the train like a freshly dumped corpse.
Battling my wooziness, I forced myself to read on, so I gently pinched my forehead a few times before glancing up and down the carriage to see if anyone was looking at me funny. Not entirely convinced I had gotten away with it, I returned to the book.
In the midst of the never-ending, ever-upward-spiralling cost-of-living crisis, Morrisons supermarket is introducing a new deal to help hard-pressed Brits save money on their weekly shop.
It’s called ‘1p off at Morrisons’. Hmmmm.
Regular Morrisons customer, Brenda St John (50), an alcoholic ex-tea towel folder from Burstall, Suffolk contacted the SUFFOLK GAZETTE with a photograph of the discount she received on a bottle of Bacardi, bought on her weekly Monday booze run last week.
She told us, “(Hic!) What? I got in contact with you? When? Oh, OK. What about? Oh yes. The Bacardi. Yes, well, I am a (hic!) I am a retired tea towel engineer. I worked at (hic!) Stewart Morris tea towels in Hadleigh for about thirty (hic!) years and it was f*cking stressful I can tell you. Folding a thousand tea towels into perfect squares or rectangles or whatever they are is not (hic!) easy. Three or four millimeters out and Morris would be all over your arse. That’s when I started (hic!) drinking. But the 1p off deal, f*cking ace. I love (hic!) Morrisons!”
A woman’s work is never done
As part of the extensive research undertaken for this article, one of the female staff at the SUFFOLK GAZETTE went undercover at the Sproughton Road branch of Morrisons in Ipswich. Our anonymous reporter, Sharon Briggs, purchased exactly 25 items to see how much she saved from the 1p off offer. Back at the office, after emptying the contents of her shopping bag over my desk, Sharon Briggs crunched the numbers. The total saving on a bag of shopping costing £27.50 worked out to be… wait for it… 9p.
Inside story of Morrisons deal
We contacted Morrisons for comment but the only person available was a cleaner called Bert who happened to pick up the phone as he was dusting. Bert told us “Free-market economists insist that social cooperation is a win-win scenario.
The classical economists argued that the mercantilists were wrong when they viewed their own prosperity as a threat to others, and vice versa. The principle of comparative advantage and Bastiat’s eloquent description of Economic Harmonies show that the presence of a ‘winner’ in an economic transaction does not necessarily imply that there must be a corresponding ‘loser’.
Furthermore, when a business charges a single price to its customers, then (disregarding nonpecuniary motivations) the business needs to set a price that maximizes monetary profits. And let’s not forget, the positive-sum outcomes ubiquitous in market transactions remind us that the businesses’ gain needn’t come at the expense of the wider community. Hence the 1p off. Anyway, I have to go now as there is a hell of a lot of ear wax on this receiver. Bye.”
Do you agree with Bert? Email us at iagreewithbert@suffolkgazette.1poff.com.co.uk
A report produced by the European Commission has concluded that the ugliest people in Europe are… wait for it… the English! What a surprise.
The only countries that didn’t agree with the findings were: England (not entirely unexpected) – which alleged that Belgium (home of the European Commission) is home to the ugliest MF’s in Europe, Turkey – who believe themselves to be the unprettiest, and Russia – which dislikes the appearance of its close neighbours and military allies, the Byelorussians – which just about proves the maxim, ‘With friends like these, who needs enemies?’
But seriously, the EC’s findings are probably correct… and I’m an Englishman. Surely I am not the only person who, while walking the streets, supermarkets, and industrial estates of England, has noticed that everyone you come across (barring the odd Mcfitty or Uberbabe who are probably foreign, anyway) is just plain ugly. Another maxim springs to mind: ‘They don’t make ‘em like they used to!’ – how bloody true!
Where did it all go wrong?
I know a pretty girl when I see one, and I can also discern a handsome man (being one myself) from the endless fugly bastards who drive past in white van after white van, and I can testify that they are few and far apart. So, what went wrong, England? Where are the Audrey Hepburns and Peter O’Tooles, the Angela Rippons and John Noakeses? Where are the Penelope Keiths and the David Nivens? Gone, it seems. The golden age of natural beauty is seemingly a thing of the past.
Unimagi nation
Modern beauty in England is apparently measured by the number of tattoos one can display on one’s chest, leg, or forearm, or by the amount of zit-covering pancake make-up one can ply onto one’s face before plastering endless selfies across a plethora of ‘socials’. The fashion trend of sports casual wear (including compulsory trainers and baseball caps) emblazoned with corporate logos that is banal the uniform of anyone under thirty, does nothing to undermine the perception of the innate inelegance and unimagination of England’s woe-begotten frumps.
So, in the week that iconic English sixties fashion designer Mary Quant passed away, rather than get shirty at Europe’s dislike of our frowsy appearance, we should perhaps get out our best shirts, skirts, and classic couture, and remind our European critics how it used to be done.
Discover the risks of buying fake Instagram comments and how to avoid them. It can damage your reputation, lead to decreased engagement, risk account suspension, and waste money. Learn about the benefits of buying safe, genuine comments for your brand’s success.
Photo by Wolfs Rib on Pexels
In This Article
Buying IG Comments: 6 Benefits
Risks of Buying Fake IG Comments
Safe Way To Buy IG Comments
Wrapping Up
Do you feel stuck in a comment-less rut on your profile? Do you want to spice up your Insta-game with more comments but don’t have the time or engagement to make it happen?
It might seem like a quick and easy fix to buy custom comments on Instagram, but hold your horses! Don’t be tempted by those cheap deals or flashy ads promising a hundred comments in the blink of an eye.
Why? Because buying fake comments could leave your account in worse shape than before.
But fear not; we’ve got you covered with a safe way to buy custom IG comments.
In this article, we’ll take you on a journey exploring the perks of buying Instagram comments, the dangers of those pesky fake comments, and how you can dodge them like a pro.
Buying IG Comments: 6 Benefits
You post a fabulous pic on Instagram and anxiously wait for those sweet comments to roll in. But what if you don’t want to wait around? That’s where buying comments on Instagram comes in handy.
Not only does it make your content go viral, but it also attracts more followers and increases engagement. The more comments you have, the more users want to jump on the bandwagon and join the conversation on your posts.
Now, let’s take a look at some mind-blowing benefits if you buy IG custom comments that’ll make your Instagram game unstoppable:
1. More Instagram Likes
Buying IG comments can boost your post and bring in more likes. Why, you ask? Simple. The more people that see your post, the more likely they are to double-tap and give it some love.
2. More Instagram Followers
Having many followers on Instagram is like having a massive fan club. The more followers you have, the more popular and credible you appear. And when you buy Instagram custom comments, it gives off the impression that you have many followers, making others want to join your squad.
3. Score More Endorsements On Instagram
If you’re an influencer, buying comments on Instagram can help you attract more and more endorsement deals. Brands are more likely to reach out to you for sponsored posts when you have a high engagement rate.
4. Saving Your Time
Building your genuine Instagram account can take much time and effort. But by buying Instagram comments, you can quickly increase your following and engagement. It means you can save time and focus on other aspects of your business.
5. Save Money On Advertising
Buying Instagram likes and comments is cheaper than traditional advertising. People tend to trust reviews from other users more than paid ads, so investing in Instagram engagement can save money while still reaching a large audience.
6. Algorithmic Favor
Instagram’s algorithm favors posts with many comments, which can lead to better visibility and more followers. Plus, posts with more comments are more likely to appear in searches, which can further increase your reach.
Risks Of Buying Fake IG Comments
Nowadays, many people consider buying fake comments on Instagram to boost their engagement. And we all know that having thousands of likes, comments, and followers on posts is a sign of popularity, success, and influence in the digital world.
But what if we told you that buying fake comments could lead you down a path of destruction? Yes, while it may seem easy to boost your engagement rates, severe consequences come with it.
Here are some of the risks of buying fake IG comments:
Violating Instagram’s TOS
Buying fake Instagram comments may seem like an easy way to boost your online presence, but it can put your account at risk. Instagram has strict rules in its Terms of Service against fake engagement, and if you get caught, your account could be banned or even deleted.
Ruin Your Reputation
When you buy fake Instagram comments, you might see a temporary boost in numbers, but at what cost? Inauthentic engagement can harm your reputation and credibility in the long run. Followers and potential collaborators may question your profile’s authenticity and your content’s value.
Instagram Is Quick To Spot Fraudulent Activity
Instagram’s algorithm is constantly evolving and becoming more sophisticated.
It can easily detect fake engagement, such as comments from inactive or spam accounts, and penalize accounts using these tactics. This could result in lower reach, decreased engagement, and a damaged reputation.
Mismatched Engagement Compared To Genuine Accounts
Fake Instagram comments can be easy to spot, especially when they’re generic or irrelevant to your post. Your genuine followers will also notice the mismatched engagement and may question the authenticity of your profile.
Decreased Engagement Rates
Buying fake Instagram comments may harm your overall engagement rates rather than boost them.
If your followers or other users on the platform suspect that your comments are fake or robotic, they may be less likely to engage with your content in the future. This could lead to decreased engagement rates, lower reach, and a less successful Instagram account.
Money Down The Drain
Not only is buying fake Instagram comments risky, but it’s also a waste of money. You may end up paying for comments that have no value and that could have been spent on genuine marketing strategies.
Your budget is better spent on organic content creation and advertising that will bring you genuine results.
It might seem like we’re contradicting our thought but there are safe ways to buy IG comments. For example, you can buy custom comments on Instagram from skweezer.net website, a reliable provider offering real custom Instagram comments relevant to your posts.
Let’s see tips that you should be mindful of.
Photo by Joshua Miranda on Pexels
Safe Way To Buy IG Comments (Tips)
You can buy custom comments on Instagram. But, it’s essential to do it safely and effectively to avoid negative consequences.
Here are some tips to help you buy custom comments on Instagram:
Start Small: Gradually Increase Comment Numbers
It’s essential to avoid buying excessive comments at once, as this can raise suspicion and lead to consequences.
Start with a small amount and gradually increase if necessary. This approach will also allow you to test the quality of the comments before investing more money.
Affordable Options: Find Providers That Fit Your Budget
When considering buying Instagram comments, it’s important to consider your budget. Some providers can be pretty expensive, while others offer more affordable options. Find a provider that fits your budget while offering quality comments relevant to your post.
Protect Your Privacy: Avoid Sharing Sensitive Information
It’s crucial to protect your privacy when buying Instagram comments. Avoid sharing sensitive information with any provider, such as your Instagram login credentials and personal information.
Research Reliable Providers
Choosing a reliable provider is crucial to ensure the quality and authenticity of the comments you receive. You can exercise this option if you don’t have time to keep up the engagement on your profile and want a better solution.
But always do your due diligence before finalizing a provider.
Quality Over Quantity: Choose To Buy IG Custom Comments
When buying Instagram comments, it’s important to prioritize quality over quantity. You must choose a provider that offers to buy Instagram custom comments that are relevant to your post. It can have a significant impact on the success of your brand.
Not only will it ensure that the comments are authentic and engaging for your real followers, but it can also positively affect brand recognition.
Here’s how:
Boosts popularity and brand awareness
It helps grow your online presence and reputation organically
Increases the chance of attracting real investors, customers, and collaborators
Drives more sales to your advertised products and services
Wrapping Up
You can buy cheap custom Instagram comments easily, but it can lead to serious risks that could harm your brand’s reputation and growth. However, with the right provider, you can enjoy the benefits and buy custom IG comments that are relevant and engaging for your followers.
Remember to prioritize quality over quantity, and choose a provider that guarantees your safety and satisfaction, like Skweezer.
By following these tips and avoiding the risks, you can boost your Instagram presence and confidently reach your goals.
So go ahead, and buy custom Instagram comments, but make sure to do it safely and smartly!
A clean clothes-obsessed pervert dubbed ‘the clothes-line cusser’ has been terrorising residents in the Culford area of Suffolk.
The washing-line weirdo, who has been active since January, uses ninja style-tactics to enter gardens undetected before re-arranging the clothes hanging on washing lines until their shadows spell out vulgar profanities.
In the 1970’s, it wasn’t unusual to find a complete stranger in your garden, hanging around the washing line, sniffing your wife’s knickers – especially in Suffolk, but the clothes-line cusser has taken garden-based deviancy to a whole new level.
Keep it clean
Victim, Lorraine Fisher – 34 who lives with her husband Dmitri (24) at No.36, Benyon Gardens told this reporter, “Well, it was all such a shock. I mean, Dmitri & I, we’re not exactly angels, and it’s not like we don’t use the occasional expletive around here. Dmitri calls the cat ’Bell-end” for a kick-off, lol!
But when I went out into the garden and saw the word ‘benders’ sprawled across the lawn in shadow, well I was a little cheesed-off, to say the least, although I was impressed with the way the culprit had curled a pair of my leggings in an ‘e’ shape and held them in place with some intricate peg work.”
Big hair salon
Nearby neighbour, Julie Cressingham (21), a trainee hairdresser at the Hair Grande salon on Ingham Road, also fell victim to the laundry lunatic when he rearranged her clothes to spell out the words ‘bastard haircut’.
An upset Julie told me how she felt violated by the intrusion onto her premises. “Who the f*ck does this perv think he is? And what does the message even mean? I am doing very well at the salon thank you very much, and I have a lot of very satisfied customers. Bloody cheek!” Police have issued an image of the person they want to speak to in connection with sixteen alleged incidents of trespass to goods, and trespass to land.
Search engine optimisation (SEO) service providers in the UK and the rest of the world are anticipating a tectonic change. The rise of various artificial intelligence (AI) tools is sending shockwaves to the SEO community. After ChatGPT comes a host of other AI-powered tools that are set to change the way optimising websites for search engines is done.
Diminished search engine relevance
One of the worries about AI chatbots that can provide quick answers to questions is the reduced use of search engines. SEO companies exist because of search engines. If some users ditch Google and other search engines in favour of ChatGPT or other AI chatbots, SEO businesses will have to adjust their services.
If this happens, SEO packages will likely change. Instead of mostly optimising websites for search engines, SEO companies will do more answer engine optimisation (AEO). This is a sub-field of SEO that focuses on making sure that a client’s content or product page becomes the answer used by an AI chatbot. However, the rise of AEO does not necessarily mean that SEO will lose relevance. It is unlikely for websites and the need to optimise them to become unnecessary. Nevertheless, the approaches will be tweaked to suit changing needs.
Job changes
In relation to the changing SEO landscape, there is a possibility that some jobs may change, or downsizing may occur. With AI now capable of churning out keyword-optimised articles at a rapid pace, SEO writers will have to upskill to assume new roles.
This impact on SEO jobs may not materialise if search engines, Google in particular, make it a policy to reject AI-generated content. This does not appear to be the case, though, as Google announced its new stand on AI content. Previous discussions suggest that the search engine giant is against AI articles. However, Google has clarified that it will not ban AI-written content as long as it is created for people, not machines.
DIY SEO
With AI tools now capable of doing many things proficiently, there is also the possibility that businesses will engage in DIY SEO. Instead of relying on companies to do it for them, they can use AI-powered solutions to do things on their own. There are many free tools available, and they can usually deliver decent outcomes.
However, the fear of DIY SEO killing an entire industry may be overblown. Just because free AI tools are available does not mean companies will use them and use them effectively at that. Many free powerful social media marketing tools are available today, but they have not driven social media marketing companies to extinction. Similarly, there is a long list of free DIY website building platforms, but they did not make web developers jobless.
Silver lining
The changes AI brings to SEO do not necessarily infer adversity. They can even serve as opportunities to evolve. The emergence of AI tools helps SEO companies work faster and smarter. They will compel companies to adapt and employees to learn new skills to handle tasks that require more critical and creative thinking. They can oversee the use of AI tools to ensure that the output stays in line with established standards. Some can shift to jobs that require more human engagement.
Artificial intelligence definitely has an impact on SEO. It is not an overreaction that SEO companies are preparing for the changes. There is a need to anticipate the disruption and keep an eye on new opportunities. Change is inevitable, and coping can be challenging. However, there is no reason to treat the growing prominence of AI as the advent of doom for SEO and other industries.
A child was crushed at the museum after he threw M&M at a giant 163 million old Dinosaur’s skeleton.
The phrase ‘It went out with the dinosaurs’ is often heard said in progressive circles in reference to outmoded, out-of-date ideas or concepts. In Suffolk, there is a different phrase: ‘It’s coming in with the dinosaurs.’
This was proved literally true, last Tuesday when the skeleton of a 163 million-year-old Cetiosauriscus (see-tee-oh-SORE-is-kuss) or ‘whale lizard’ escaped from the natural history museum on the back of a Victorian coal truck. Yes, we know this sounds unbelievable, but it is 100% true. Honestly! (ahem!)
Child’s nuts crushed
According to eyewitnesses present in the museum at the time of the escape, the Cetiosauriscus, nicknamed ‘Couch Potato’ by staff (‘settee o’ sore arse ‘cos’) awoke from its trans-epoch slumber after a small child threw a peanut m&m at him. It seems the feral child’s delinquency was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Visitors to the museum fled in terror as the 15m dino broke free of its supports and began to thunder towards the exit. Reports say the child who threw the m&m was crushed underfoot as his mother watched on in horror. Shame.
One shit one’s pants
Having crashed through the exit, sending brickwork and timber hurtling out onto Cromwell Road. Couch Potato ripped a large common lime tree from the pavement,.tore off its canopy with his teeth, and munched on it like a lefty vegan would a floret of organic broccoli.
The origin
Realising that he would need transport to get back to his ancestral Suffolk home,. the fleshless sauropod, last seen roaming the streets of London in the cretaceous period of history,.legged it down the Brompton road, past Harrods (causing Princess Anne to drop the fresh cream cakes.she’d just bought), along Piccadilly (using a couple of red buses as rollerskates).
Then jumped over Buckingham Palace with a deafening roar (to those who couldn’t hear it),.before thundering up The Mall snacking on more trees along the way. After knocking over Nelson’s column and trampling at least seventy;.Italian, Spanish, Japanese, and American tourists on his way through Trafalgar Square.
Poor animal
The homesick Diplodocoidea arrived at the Transport Museum in Covent Garden. Sniffing curiously at the museum’s façade,.Couch (seemingly having found what he was looking for) rose up on his hind legs,.and with a God-almighty crash, brought his comparatively dwarf-like front legs down onto the roof of the museum causing it to collapse in a cloud of shattered wood, brick, and asbestos.
The terror
The screams of women and the shouts of men (there weren’t any transgenders in the museum that day).could be heard from inside the museum as the desperate dinosaur reached in,.grabbed a 19th Century coal truck, and removed it onto the street. Using the vintage, soot-stained jalopy as a skateboard, dippy Couch, set off towards the A13 on his way back home.
Latest reports say that Couch was last seen explaining how the combustion engine works to a couple of farmers outside a pub in Copdock, near Ipswich.
Are you from Suffolk? Have you seen Couch Potato or any other modern phenomena around where you live? Why not have a look out of your window?
