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Football’s coming home, but it has moved house to Russia

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English football fans generally love a plucky underdog, from craving huge upsets in the FA Cup to getting behind Wales at Euro 2016. However, for a team so frequently underwhelming it is unsettling how infrequently England are considered an underdog. Rather, England contrive to find a way to exit the tournament before they have to play anyone too good. While it has spared us from quivering through a 7-1 pasting in a World Cup semi-final, it does leave us with a quandary over who to throw our slightly patronising underdog support behind. It is fair to say that nobody thought Russia would ever be a leading candidate to qualify for that role.

In fact, most people thought Russia wouldn’t even qualify from their group. When that group contains Saudi Arabia and an Egypt side who are apparently worse than Saudi Arabia, it’s not a glowing endorsement of the squad’s quality. Andrei Kanchelskis knows a thing or two about quality football, having played against some top sides when at Manchester United. The former Russia star considered this particular collection of misfits to be the worst Russian national side that he has seen in his lifetime. That’s not exactly what you want to hear when you’re about to grace the biggest sporting stage in front of your entire population, especially when your population is that vast.

Maybe the Russian coach, Stanislav Cherchesov, pinned Kanchelskis’ words on the dressing room wall to inspire his players. Paul Hurst stuck a predicted league table on Shrewsbury’s dressing room wall with the caption ‘we are rubbish’ underneath reflecting how critics deemed relegation inevitable. It worked for Hurst, so well that he landed the biggest job in football at Ipswich Town. Cherchesov may have to settle for winning the World Cup instead; Russia’s surprising run to the knockout stages saw them vanquish the mighty Spaniards (on penalties), although Betfair betting tips still place Russia behind a plethora of teams at odds of 22/1 to lift the trophy. Expectations have been defied, they scored five goals in one game and they’ve beaten Spain, yet still, they are unfancied: there’s your plucky underdog.

They are not without their characters in the squad. Football Manager legend Igor Akinfeev has become a target for derision since he palmed a ball into his own net in the last World Cup, earning the heartfelt sympathy of Rob Green. Yet, Akinfeev is showing why we shouldn’t judge someone on one World Cup, with his penalty shootout saves against Spain a testament to his resolve and skill. Sergei Ignashevich may be older than time itself and have the turning circle of a tree, but his return from international retirement is a feel-good story. Up front, Artem Dzyuba is the archetypal striker with ‘good feet for a big man’, while Aleksandr Golovin looks set to be the next Andrey Arshavin.

Perhaps the best story about Russia’s campaign so far comes in the shape of backup centre-back Vladimir Granat. In a game where Spain’s impotent passing for the sake of passing infuriated all of the footballing fans out there who enjoy it when teams move forward with purpose, Granat taught the world a footballing lesson. Granat came on to play an hour of football, in which he attempted four passes and completed zero. His performance was so steadfastly anti-Spain, as if he had been given tactical instructions by Gandalf before entering the fray. Yet they did not concede a goal while Granat was on the pitch, so there are some lessons here for budding superstars. Russia are very much the underdog, but they have embraced this status and cannot be ruled out.

England players better at pretending to be busy at work

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England’s footballers proved they were better than Belgium at pretending to be busy at work.

Their silky skills last night meant they successfully lost 1-0 and finished second in their World Cup group.

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This ensures they have a much easier route through the latter stages of the tournament, and will not have to face Brazil in the quarter finals.

Both teams knew losing the game was the better option, but it was England who were much better at trying not to show it.

England manager Gareth Southgate even got in on the act, bringing on forward Danny Welbeck in the second half instead of top scorer Harry Kane.

English people are experts at trying to look busy at work without doing anything at all.

Human resources professional Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Suffolk, said: “You see it in every office and in every factory throughout the land.

“Staff here are excellent at turning up in the morning, looking busy for the whole day, then going home without achieving anything at all.

“They’ll shuffle things around their desks, spend 20 minutes to get a coffee, have multiple cigarette breaks, spend ten minutes on the loo and then ‘study’ a PowerPoint presentation for an hour.

“Before you know it, they’re packing up and off out of the door at 5pm.”

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She said years of national experience helped the England team in Russia last night.

“For long periods of the game, players passed it around looking like they were waiting for that killer pass,” Ms Fisher said.

“Once or twice they forgot themselves and got in front of goal, looking certain to score. But thankfully they got back on track and were able to shoot wide, but convincingly close enough, on multiple occasions.”

The performance was just what the country needed, and today people up and down the country will be talking excitedly about the game – in another perfect example of trying to look busy at work.

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English xenophobes look for new prejudices after Germany World Cup exit

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Confused English xenophobes are having to find new irrational prejudices after Germany extraordinarily crashed out of the World Cup.

Bigots across the country can normally rely on slating the Germans for the entirety of an international football tournament.

But now they’re having to scratch around looking for something terribly wrong with Senegal or Colombia.

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Bigot Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Suffolk, said: “We hate the Germans, but it’s nothing to do with the war, of course.

“Or the war before that.

“No, it’s just that they are the aggressive ones, and we stick up for ourselves in the face of such behaviour.”

She is spending today reading up about horrible things to say about Senegal as it’s likely England could play them in the knockout stages of the competition.

“I didn’t actually know where Senegal was,” she explained. “I thought it was a weird little principality in Italy, like San Marino.

“Then I found out it was in Africa, so I assumed there was something about it that I could be xenophobic about. I mean, those Africans can be trouble.

“And, sure enough, I discovered it used to be owned by the French.

“But even that’s not enough reason to hate them. Give me a few hours and I’ll get back to you. Oh, hang on, I’ve just seen most of the people there are Islamic…”

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England could also face Colombia in the first knockout stage of the World Cup.

That would send most bigots into a confused state, since they rely on the South Americans to produce their cocaine.

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Simple workout for building leg muscles

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Working out is essential for your body because it helps keep you in shape and free from certain conditions.

Exercise is necessary for muscle growth. You will always experience an increase in muscle size if you work out on a regular basis. You can also use legal steroids that will aid muscle growth. They play an essential role in providing endurance and fast healing after vigorous workout. Some of them also assist in burning fat.

Steroids like https://samento.eu/it/ facilitate protein synthesis in your muscle cells, which is essential for muscle growth. The muscle tissues may differ depending on their structure, location in the body and how they are triggered to contract.

Professional athlete Tyler Holt has specific ideas on how you can build each of your muscles. He has come up with a minimalist exercise, which is intended to build your muscles without using so much energy. It also helps develop your leg muscles. The following are the exercises involved in the Minimalist Muscle-Building Leg Workout.

To help with muscle aches, try CBD balms that help you recover.

Leg Press

In this type of exercise, your body comes to a total rest after first pushing your feet outward. It helps increase power and strength. You can do it with the help of a leg-press machine. Make sure you lock the safety pin and do it repetitively. You can go for three reps and eight sets. This will help generate more power in your legs.

Leg Extension

One can use a leg-extension machine for this type of exercise. You should first select your weight before sitting on the device with your legs beneath the pad. Keep extending your legs to their maximum point while exhaling. Your body should remain still on your seat for the whole period. Repeat the entire exercise for about 45 minutes.

Seated Leg Curl

This is another seclusion movement where you should make sure you get the right tension on your hamstrings at the end of each rep. Make sure other muscles do not take over the movements of your exercise. Pull the machine lever the furthest you can and repeat it several times.

Split Squat

This exercise is meant for the back of your legs, especially the glute muscles, which are powerful. Set yourself in a staggered position with your front foot forward and rear foot raised up. Hold a dumbbell in both hands and let them hang. You should now flex your knee, hip and the lower part of your body. This exercise will help add pressure on the heel of your front foot.

Barbell Squat

It is one of the best leg workouts you can try. This type of exercise starts off with a regular back squat that is intended to build the front part of your legs. You should start off with the barbell being well supported right above the traps. Your chest should be upright and your head facing forward. Slowly go down by bending your knees and avoid moving your hips back. Make sure you keep your knees aligned with your feet to stay upright. Start with lighter weights before upgrading to heavier ones.

Woman finds rare white dog poo while holidaying in Suffolk

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white dog poo

A woman was surprised to spot some rare white dog poo while out and about in Suffolk, it has emerged.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, was walking through heathland near Aldeburgh when she found the two lumps of white dog poo next to a footpath.

It is believed to be the first find of its kind for nearly 30 years, and has prompted excited chatter among dog owners.

Ms Fisher, a stockbroker from London, said: “I was on holiday in Suffolk last week, staying at my cottage in Aldeburgh, and was out walking close to the town.

White dog poo

“Imagine my surprise when I looked down to see white dog poo next to the footpath.

“I haven’t seen any of that since I was a kid. It was just laying there where the dog left it.

“It’s not even as though the owner had flicked it with a stick out of the way.

“It was such a great discovery that I took a photograph of it and showed it to all my friends. None of them have seen this sort of thing for years either.”

Experts say white dog poo, which just about everyone remembers being commonplace years ago, has disappeared for two reasons: a healthier diet for our pets, and also because owners are now more responsible and tend to pick up what their little darlings leave behind.

Miss Fisher said she regretted not popping the poop in her pocket and taking it with her back to London, where the last sighting of white dog poo was way back in 1979 on a pavement in Tooting.

“It would probably be worth a few quid,” she said.

“I think it came from a medium-sized dog like a spaniel or something.”

Ipswich boss Hurst makes first signing of “slow burner” summer

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On 12th June, Ipswich Town officially unveiled Paul Hurst as the new manager of the club. He comes in having taken over at Shrewsbury Town in late October, 2016 when Shrewsbury sat rock bottom of League One. Hurst pulled Shrewsbury up to 18th to stave off relegation and then rocketed the club to third last season, just missing out on promotion in the League One play-off final.

As part of his first press conference as the Ipswich boss, Hurst detailed a steady pace to the summer of transfers due to the international tournaments, stating that “the situation might be a slow burner,” per Ipswich Town. But, just a couple of weeks on, Town have revealed their first new signing under Hurst, Chelsea’s Trevoh Chalobah on a season-long loan.

The experienced teen

Born in Sierra Leone of English nationality, Trevor Chalobah possesses size, strength, and is very comfortable with the ball at his feet. Last summer, Chalobah was part of the England team that also featured Town’s Andre Dozzell and won the Under-19s European Championships. He also impressed for Chelsea, featuring prominently in the club’s run to the UEFA Youth League final.

Chalobah will help to fill the gaps left by last season’s loanees in Callum Connolly from Everton and Cameron Carter-Vickers of Tottenham Hotspur while also bringing some versatility to the team. Chalobah’s touch, passing, and vision are strong, and he can play just in front of the defence as part of the midfield or as a centre back.
A dark horse with Hurst in charge

Paul Hurt’s appointment was never expected to loosen the purse strings at Ipswich Town. One of the admirable traits of the new boss is that he built Shrewsbury into being play-off finalists without spending very much at all. In his first full season in charge at Shrewsbury, Hurst brought in a total of eight players on loan as well as 11 players on permanent deals.

However, in the Championship, Hurst will have to contend with former Premier League clubs that have a spending power that’s far superior to that of Ipswich Town. The most recently relegated Stoke City and West Bromwich Albion are favourites with the bookies to win the Championship and achieve promotion largely because of their larger budget.

That’s not to say that Paul Hurst can’t improve Ipswich’s standing with some more shrewd signings. Last season, Shrewsbury were at very long odds to even make it to the play-offs, let alone finish in the top three. In fact, they were one of the early relegation favourites in the odds.

It’s because of Hurst’s ability to get the best out of his players and bring in players of real quality to bolster his squad in key areas that there are embers of hope that he can turn Ipswich Town into a Premiership team again. This has translated into fans using their betting offers at bookies like Betfred to back Ipswich to achieve promotion this season.

The rumour mill is turning

The club has been linked to a number of exciting players and, if the moves are completed, they will certainly improve Hurst’s squad. The team is said to have bid for centre-back Curtis Tilt of Blackpool, and are also after the soon-to-be free agent Kane Vincent-Young – a full-back who can also play as a winger. Middlesbrough’s signing from Oxford United last summer, Marvin Johnson, is also rumoured to be in Ipswich’s crosshairs, especially as Boro have reportedly accepted that they’ll make a loss on his £3 million fee from a year ago.

Ipswich will most certainly be making a few more loan signings before the summer window closes, but what might be most exciting is the young players raring to break into the first team. Australian 19-year-old Ben Folami enjoyed a taste of first-team action at the end of last season and could fill a need on the right-wing. There are also the young talents of Tristan Nydam and Andre Dozzell who could push for a more prominent role under Hurst.

It’s an exciting time in Ipswich Town, and while Paul Hurst says that it’ll be a slow burner summer, he’s expected to bring in some solid players to bolster the squad who may even help to lead the Portman Road residents towards the promotion places.

Dig out the family tree for when England disappoint at the World Cup

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England’s opening encounter at the World Cup featured all of the classic components of an England performance. The match with Tunisia began with the kind of attacking verve and movement that made spectators question whether this team in red were a bunch of Spaniards masquerading as Englishmen, before the subsequent 70 minutes had that reassuring sense of impending doom and overwhelming disappointment.

Yet, this familiar tale had a twist ending, with Harry Kane’s late winner stunning a nation that had already made a cup of tea to handle the despair of an underwhelming draw. Presumably, not even Kane can continue to save the day, so this is why it is useful for England fans to have contingencies in place in preparation for the inevitable heartbreak. Clearly, it is prudent to not get carried away but, perhaps, England fans should have alternative nations to support in place of the Three Lions so to maintain interest in the tournament.

Football’s coming home?

After such a magnificently gripping event like the Royal Wedding, you could have been forgiven for thinking that this would be as good as it gets for England in 2018. Yet, The Guardian reported that, for some reason, an average audience of 13.7 million tuned in for England’s match against Tunisia, making it the most popular televisual affair in the country so far this year. That is 13.7 million who just cannot grasp the concept that England will take your hope and crush it beyond any semblance of recognition. The 30 years of hurt expressed by Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds (ranked as the nation’s greatest World Cup anthem) have become 52 years of hurt, meaning that the hurt has lived five years longer than Gareth Southgate. Quite whether that hurt began immediately after England lifted the World Cup in 1966 is up for debate but the overriding point stands that it has been an awfully long time since English fans enjoyed anything.

Fans would get criticised for supporting Manchester United even if they have always lived within a mile of Portman Road all of their life. The same sentiment translates to international football, perhaps even more fiercely. English people should always support England when international football comes around, if only because there is nothing that brings a nation together quite like collective disappointment. However, if there is an acceptance that England will ultimately break our hearts, it seems like common sense to have a Plan B to remain emotionally invested in the World Cup.

England World Cup squad

Dig out the family tree

It would take a brave Englishman to suggest supporting Germany once England crash out of the tournament, yet… it might be worth considering supporting Germany. Germany are always compelling favourites to have success in major tournaments. And odds of 8/1 as of the 20th June with Betway for Die Mannschaft to lift the World Cup reflect how they are generally better at football than England. A slightly ropey start has seen Germany slip to comparable odds to those of Belgium and France rather than the front-runners Brazil and Spain, but Germany so often find a way to click into ruthless efficiency. Plus, a look at our nation’s heritage suggests that we have deep links to Germany.

Although The Telegraph ultimately considered the Queen to be fairly English, they do acknowledge how we have enjoyed deep cultural ties with Germany for over 1,500 years. Certainly, the Queen is more German than Brazilian. Although royal shenanigans are definitively less interesting to the nation than England 2-1 Tunisia, it would show utmost respect to the Queen if English fans respected their heritage and got on board with the Germans upon England’s departure from Russia. Plus, there would be a decent chance that we’d be celebrating after the final, albeit not on a ‘partying in the streets’ kind of level. It definitely wouldn’t look quite like BBC’s prediction of the state of the nation if England were to replicate their 1966 success.

Of course, if individuals root through their family tree and find connections to countries such as Panama and Nigeria, then they should become the priority for support, although that is unlikely to eliminate the feeling of disappointment. Instead, England fans will likely throw their support at the nation that has shown the most exciting football against the odds. Everyone loves an underdog, and nations such as Mexico and Senegal have shown a capacity for exhilarating football in defiance of moderate expectations.

Dirty Norfolk peasants avoiding The Wash

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Norfolk people urged to wash

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Soap-dodging Norfolk peasants are scared to visit The Wash because they fear it means having to get cleaned up.

Most of the county’s residents have refused to ever go near the wide estuary that links Norfolk with Lincolnshire.

Unable to read, generations of families have been unable to determine that The Wash has nothing to do with soap and water.

Tourism official Andy Mehen, 40, said: “Plenty of Lincolnshire people enjoy The Wash, and we have visitors from Cambridgeshire, Suffolk and beyond.

“But the people of Norfolk fear it is something to do with having to wash, and so they stay away.”

Earlier this year the Suffolk Gazette reported how Norfolk people had been told to wash occasionally.

Health experts said it was no longer acceptable for them to be so filthy.

And they warned disease and cases of festering sores were on the rise.

Now they are trying to educate the Norfolk peasants about The Wash.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Once we eventually persuade them that The Wash does not involve soap, perhaps they will begin to visit the area, which is truly beautiful.

“And while they’re at it, they may as well go in the sea.

“It’s a bit sneaky, but at least that way they’ll never realise they’re getting a bit cleaner.”

The news comes days after it was revealed Norfolk women were being allowed to drive on the public roads for the first time.

It follows decades of campaigning that the remote county should drag itself into the 21st Century.