I came up with a new word yesterday.
Plagiarism.
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To whoever stole my Microsoft Office software account, I will come after you.
You have my Word.
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I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
He said: “How flexible are you?”
I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
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A neighbour of mine is entering the world’s tightest hat competition.
I just hope he can pull it off.
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A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train.
When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!
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I saw a documentary about how ships are kept together.
It was riveting.
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My wife told me: “Sex is better on holiday.”
That wasn’t a nice postcard to receive.
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“You are accused of the theft of luxury toilet rolls from Tesco. How do you plead?”
“Not quilty.”
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