A cat has announced it is now ruling your home from a regal cardboard box.
The all-powerful box reaffirms just how secure the cat is in its distasteful opinion of you and everything you do.
Lorraine Fisher, 34, who is owned by grey tabby Doris, said the cat already had a superiority complex.
But now it has found an empty cardboard box on the kitchen table, it has assumed complete control of the house.
“She sits in it, thinks she is invincible and lashes out if you go anywhere near. She looks at us like we are idiots, here to do her bidding.
“Yet she is the one sitting in a sodding cardboard box.”
Doris said: “I am in a box. You will do as I say. Give me food.”
Cat mugs here
Love your cats, even if they are evil? Buy a Suffolk Gazette cat mug from our partner Dirty Old Goat. Browse the cat mugs online website or buy direct below…
Slot machines have enjoyed a rich and fascinating history with the very first device tracing its roots back for more than a hundred years. Known as the Liberty Bell, the machine saw life in the 1890s and few could have predicted just how popular its descendants would become.
In the 20th century, slot machines appeared in bars, clubs and licensed land-based casinos all over the world. They were, and still are, an important part of those establishments and the slots remain the first choice for many players.
In the new, digital age, online slots are taking over but how have they built on that legacy while staying true to the original concept?
Popular playgrounds
Those that didn’t focus on land-based casinos would have played their slot machines in pubs and bars. That original slot, the Liberty Bell, quickly became referred to as a bandit and this title caught on. In the 1960s and 1970s, slots were commonly called ‘one-armed bandits’ as players had to pull a lever in order to spin the reels.
An alternate title related to the many fruit symbols that would play out on the reels. Cherries, lemons, grapes, melons and strawberries were among the many popular images used and, so, the devices were often referred to as fruit machines.
Random results were returned but many players felt that they knew how to read slot machines. Irrespective of whether the aim is for a big jackpot prize or to simply enjoy an entertaining distraction, the slots offered an interesting addition to a night out at the pub.
A step up
Serious players would look to take their interest a stage further by hitting one of the popular casino resorts. Many countries have licensed casinos so it could just be a case of jumping on a train and enjoying a night out in London and a few spins of the reels.
Meanwhile, a whole tourist industry was being built around casino play. Las Vegas was undoubtedly at the heart of this phenomenon, but other popular locations included Nassau and Macau.
In the physical world, players can enjoy many casino games, but the slot machines really stand out here. Rows upon rows of players enjoying noisy slot play with brightly lit screens is an incredible sight and the slots will always have their place in these establishments.
Online slots cannot compete with those sights and that type of atmosphere but there are many other advantages of playing digital games.
Online options
Original online slots could be very basic and, while they enjoyed a following, the functionality could be elementary at times. Three-reel slots with one central pay line were the norm and there were no complex bonus features to negotiate.
That simplicity did have its advantages: Like all online casino games, those early slots provided convenience with players able to enjoy a few spins without leaving the comfort of their own homes.
In time, with the development of new software, the online slot industry has moved on considerably. With a blank canvas to work with, games producers can now provide slots covering a huge range of themes including cartoons, fantasy, ancient history, the wild west and many more.
The majority of slots still operate on the same concept of matching symbols along a pay line, but new technology has allowed for a whole host of new innovations. Bonus rounds such as free spins, wheels of fortune and pick rounds are now in existence and that complexity is another aspect that has helped make online slots stand out.
Keeping it reel
Online slot games can, to an extent, mirror the experience of playing in a live casino. A number of titles like to offer a nostalgic look back to a golden age when fruit machines ruled the scene. With that aim in mind, many developers still employ classic fruit symbols including those cherries, lemons and oranges.
Bright colours and stunning graphics also help to replicate the enjoyment that can be had from a slot game out in the real world. Many physical slots have now shed those levers even though the ‘bandit’ term has remained. Now, buttons are pressed, and this action is virtually identical in land based casinos and those situated online.
The best of both
In any aspect of an online casino or a digital sports betting company, the aims are similar. The initial task is to keep things simple by offering the same games that can be found in land-based casinos around the world. That’s why most online operators also provide poker, blackjack, baccarat and roulette among the slots.
From that base, those operators now have to add value and draw potential players away from those physical establishments. One obvious advantage is that of convenience with customers able to enjoy all of those games, and more, without ever having to leave the house.
But the biggest advantage held by online casinos is that of choice: With no restrictions in terms of floor space, an online operator is free to work with as many games developers as they like and that’s why most digital casinos have many hundreds of slot titles available on their website.
Online slots hold that clear advantage but they’ve had to stay true to the theme and pay their respects to those early machines from a bygone era.
Golfer Steve Walshe reckons he has saved £500 by not losing any balls since lockdown.
While upset that he is not allowed to play at his local club since social distancing rules put a stop to golf, Steve is looking on the bright side.
“I haven’t lost any balls since Lockdown 3 began at the start of January. That’s about £500 saved in lost balls, to go with the hundreds of pounds I saved in Lockdowns 1 and 2.
“With all the spare cash, I intend to get a lesson or two so I don’t need so many balls in the bag.”
Steve, 43, from Ipswich, reckons he gets through 18 balls a round – losing on average one on each hole.
“Sometimes I can play a hole without losing a ball, but then I will always lose a couple on the water hole – so it all adds up.”
He usually plays four rounds a week, losing around 72 balls in the process. At an average cost of £1.50 a ball, he is hitting and losing about £108 a week into the water and rough.
Asked why he did not buy cheaper or second hand balls to save on the cost, Steve said: “They don’t go as straight.”
Buy golf mugs
Buy a golf mug from the Suffolk Gazette’s partner site Dirty Old Goat, or directly from the items below…
If you’re hoping to improve your sports betting results, it’s important to note that the favourites don’t always win in horse racing. But by taking some care to prepare, and with many races on every day, there is always the chance of making a profit.
Big horse racing spectacles come at a relentless pace, from the Pegasus World Cup and the Kentucky Derby at the end of April to the Preakness Stakes and the Belmont Stakes.
In the UK, huge festivals like Cheltenham, the Derby at Epsom or the Grand National at Aintree are all anticipated keenly by racing and sports betting fans.
However, it’s not as easy as some think to pick the right horses. So, to help you select some winners in the many exciting races available, here are some useful tips to take on board.
Pick your horses wisely
A race horse’s breeding pedigree is undoubtedly important. It’s why former champions like Frankel fetch hundreds of thousands of pounds a time at stud.
It’s not a guarantee of success, of course. But good trainers know how to keep hold of their promising horses, which is why the top yards tend to be successful more often than others.
As race day approaches, a lot of things can affect how a horse runs. First you need to check how successful it is over the distance. Maybe the upcoming race is a furlong or two further than its ideal distance? That might make a difference.
What are the conditions? Some horses prefer good going and do not do so well when the going is soft. Take note of any handicap weight added to the horse for the race.
Some jockeys seem to get more out of a horse than others, so check to see if the jockey has had previous success with his ride.
Don’t just bet on the favourites
Horse racing is one of the most unpredictable sports. While some have far better pedigrees and appear to be in good form, racing does turn up surprises. This is especially true in jump racing, where one error can lead to a fall or the rider being unseated.
It might be something as simple as the horse simply having an off day.
Sometimes it is profitable to look at who is second favourite. In larger fields, think about not backing a winner, but betting on a horse to place. This means you get some winnings if the hose finishes in the top two to five places, depending on the number of runners. If your selection wins you generally make a nice profit, but even if it places you should at least get your money back.
Study tipsters at the big festivals
While race meetings happen every day of the year, it’s the big events like the Belmont Stakes or Epsom Derby where you might profit most.
That’s because you can read up on the advice from many professional tipsters who offer their services in the media. Keep a note of their favourite picks and you might see the same horse cropping up time and again. If so, you know you might be on to a winner.
The bookies are also prone to adding incentivising promotions during the big race meetings. Keep an eye out for offers of free bets – a great way to boost your profits and no risk.
Use betting exchanges
While mainstream sportsbooks are a good place to find odds on your chosen race, make sure you take a look at the betting exchanges, too. Often you will get better, more competitive odds at a betting exchange, where it’s the punters who offer the odds to each other.
If you have done your research, you can often take advantage of someone else’s lack of knowledge, and take a bet with great odds that you won’t find anywhere else.
Maintain good records
Keeping detailed records of your horse racing bets means you are always on top of what you are spending and how much you win or lose.
It allows you to employ proper bankroll management, betting only what you can afford. And it can also help you monitor particular horses, so that when they next race, you already have key stats to hand.
There is now a whole clan of Scots living in the hills above Buenos Aires, we can reveal.
The tribe numbers three thousand strong, and they have been in Argentina after travelling there to watch Scotland play in the 1978 Word Cup.
They realised that life under the South American right-wing military junta was safer than the streets of Glasgow.
After Scotland failed miserably in the tournament group stages, getting only a draw against Iran, the Tartan Army supporters ran for the hills.
The decision looked doomed at first as the original 500 Scottish fans had to build huts and eke out a living from the barren land.
But eventually, after bartering for some llamas from a nearby farm (for the price of two women), they were able to begin farming, just like home.
The clan, known as the McArgies, prospered and now they now number more than 3,000.
They still wear kilts, even though these get particularly chilly in the harsh Argentinian winters.
One member of the clan, Lorraine McFisher, 34, said: “I was born here, so this is my home. My ancestors claimed this land as their own way back in 1978 and we have been here ever since.”
It is thought the Argentinian authorities allowed the Scots to stay because they felt sorry for them.
Original clansman Stevie McWalshe said: “Everybody back in Scotland remembers Archie Gemmill’s performance against Holland here in 1978. It was the high point of another disappointing Scottish tournament.
“But nobody remembers us. We love our life here, however.
“People complain we lived under a right-wing military dictatorship in Argentina, but that’s nothing compared to Nicola Sturgeon.”
When looking for gifts to impress your business partners, colleagues or customers, you want to find something that is original and high quality. Corporate gifts should not just be for the holidays when your business will be competing with others.
Gifts will have even more impact if sent “off-season” as a specific thank you linked to a significant event. Always send a handwritten note or personalised message with the gift to let clients how much their business means to you.
Gifts that last
Corporate gifts are ones that you want to last. You can choose gifts that are not something physical but still have great meaning. Online classes will give your clients an experience they will remember from learning a musical instrument to advancing in a foreign language or cooking a new cuisine at home.
In the holidays, Christmas baubles for the tree and many other decorations can be great gifts that can act as a reminder of your connection each year. Leave your saucy secret Santa gifts for your significant other, though if you want gift ideas for her, consider aglazed red tight bud rose and a pendant inlaid with diamonds. Gifts fashioned in the shape of a heart will indicate just how much you mean to her.
Branded corporate gifts
Branded corporate gifts should be far more than a mug or pen with your company logo that is handed out freely at regular marketing events. However, specially branded gifts are acceptable, such as a moleskin notepad in company colours and a subtle logo impressed or printed on the front. For the holidays, commission a company-branded calendar that people will want to use. Have these printed on high-quality paper for an impressive effect.
For other corporate gifts to individuals, if you meet a business client on a golf course to discuss business, gift a golf ball and tee set. If you have many business clients, make a gift to a charity that communicates your company values which also honours the values of your partners.
Hampers
A cliché of a corporate gift, these should not be dismissed out of hand since you can create your own hamper with bespoke coffee or tea blends for a gift that lasts. Support local businesses when sourcing contents, as this could lead to referrals.
A gourmet food basket is another corporate gift idea and many companies have brought this into the 21st century, just make sure you are aware of your client’s allergies and that you send gluten-free and vegan options when appropriate.
Focus on packaging
Whatever gift you choose, have it packaged nicely, whether in a tailored wooden box or other quality packaging. Be creative with packaging ideas as you are with your corporate gifts as these extra touches will make your company stand out for paying attention to detail.
Digital gifts
If your corporate gifts are required to cover a range of different tasks, consider creating a custom-curated catalogue with a personalised message in which clients can choose a gift that fits within your budget and goals. These can include vouchers in retail, e-commerce, utilities, entertainment, travel, hotels, wellness, charity, fashion, grocery, home appliances, books and much more.
Brits unable to jet abroad on holiday after a chaotic Brexit can enjoy a week’s staycation in a smart new Norfolk-made motorhome.
The luxurious Motahoom vehicle was launched this week near Norwich, and bosses expect demand to be high once lockdown is over.
Marketing director Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “This is the most advanced piece of kit to come out of Norfolk in decades.
“The Motahoom has all the trappings of home, but on the road.
“Why worry about getting abroad after Brexit when you can explore the delights of the A147 instead?
“This is the future holiday for millions of lucky Brits.”
The Motahoom consists of a sturdy Norfolk-made chassis and retro corrugated iron body.
It boasts all mod cons (for Norfolk), including five wall-mounted candle holders, a bucket to piss in and a navigation system, consisting of a dog-eared 1983 AA road map.
Norfolk MP Bubba Spuckler, who attended the glittering Motahoom launch this week, said: “At least there is some good news coming from Brexit.
“Holidays will be fun again, thanks to Norfolk ingenuity.”
The Motahoom does 0-60 in three days. Air conditioning is extra, by way of fitting opening windows.
Get one of the Suffolk Gazette Norfolk mugs, complete with free handles large enough to fit six fingers. See our full collections at our partner Dirty Old Goat, or click to buy one of the ceramic cuties below…
North Sea fish have told Jacob Rees-Mogg they will only be “better and happier” being British once they have their blue passports.
Brian, a cod from five miles east of Lowestoft, Suffolk said he and his sea-dwelling chums were fed-up with being political prawns.
“Rees-Mogg and his cronies might claim we are now happy British fish but we have not yet seen any benefit from Brexit.
“Where are our blue British passports? How can he claim we are happy when he promised so much but has not delivered?”
Brian says the whiting is on the wall for post-Brexit Britain.
“If we don’t get what we want, we will simply swim 50 miles further out to see and become European again.
“Then we will see how better and happy we really are.”
Mr Rees-Mogg caused outrage when he replied flippantly to concerns that fish was rotting on Scottish quaysides because of Brexit red tape.
He told the House of Commons: “The key thing is we’ve got our fish back. They’re now British fish and they’re better and happier fish for it.”
Animal welfare campaigner Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I’m sure any fish is quite happy swimming about in the sea until some boat comes along and scoops it up in a huge net.”
Catch one of our mugs
You can forget about fish as you enjoy coffee from one of the Suffolk Gazette’s mugs. Buy from our partner Dirty Old Goat or from the collection below…
