Twitter has banned a dangerous man from its platform but he can still press the red nuclear button and blow the world to pieces.
The social media giant permanently suspended Donald Trump after deeming his actions were improper ahead of the Capitol riot.
But despite that, plus political opponents moving to impeach him, it has emerged the President still has access to nuclear codes and can begin World War Three.
Political advisor Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “There are still 11 days left with a man in the White House who has the power to send nuclear missiles raining down on random countries around the world.
“But at least he won’t be able to send any dangerous Tweets when he does it.”
I get locked down but I get up again
Show your positivity in the fight against coronavirus. This mug will keep your spirits up or make a great gift. Buy direct from our partner Dirty Old Goat or from the information below…
As if we are not anxious enough already, Mother’s Day is looming but we have no idea when it is. Surely we can’t make the mistake of remembering when it’s too late and having to buy flowers from the garage?
Happily, your ever-reliable Suffolk Gazette is here to help, and can confirm when Mother’s Day 2021 is – and it’s on Sunday, March 14.
Mother’s Day 2021
That’s Sunday, March 14.
Now you can pop that in your diary. Or better still, sort out a novel and cool gift for your mum now, with one of our own exclusive Mother’s Day mugs?
We have four to select from, sold on our behalf by our pleasing pottery partner, Dirty Old Goat. Visit the website to browse Mother’s Day gifts, or buy direct below.
Flowers will wither and die within a week, but your mum will be enjoying her mug for years to come!
President Donald Trump insists the horned protestor who stormed the US Capitol is a Joe Bison supporter.
In a Tweet, since deleted by Twitter, the embattled President said: “Sleepy Joe Bison sent a mob to the Capitol. Here is the proof. I won by a lot.”
Mr Trump seemed a little confused about who is to blame for the scandalous assault on US democracy.
Whitehouse aid Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We have pointed out to Mr Trump that the next President is called Biden, not Bison, so this protestor is clearly not a Democrat.
“He went a deeper shade of orange but still insists it was a fraudulent riot.”
The bison man, dubbed the Jamiroquai of the Make America Great Again agitators, was pictured in the Capitol, with the images seen in disbelief around the world.
Iraq has sent thousands of troops to America to keep the peace and prevent turmoil in the region.
As dangerous, fanatical factions threaten war in the US, Iraq acts as the leader of the free world, protecting innocent people from tyranny.
Major Kasim Hassan, of the 4th Brigade of the 6th Iraqi Army Division, flew into an airbase near Washington yesterday.
Some 5,000 Iraqi troops now guard strategic positions around the city to prevent a repeat of yesterday’s storm of the US Capitol.
“Iraq will not stand by and see dictatorships threaten stability in the free world.
“We act as leaders of the free world, and will enforce the peace by whatever means possible.”
British Ministry of Defence spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said the UK had been concerned about about potential weapons of mass destruction in the US for some time.
“There is an orange-faced, weird-haired baboon threatening to explode at any time.
“We are pleased Iraq is there to protect the free world.”
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has confused the man in fancy dress of being a Joe Bison supporter.
A new inspirational podcast is full of more bollocks than the last, and a complete waste of your time.
Self-proclaimed industry experts are so successful yet they somehow have time to broadcast inspiring podcasts to everyone else.
One even had a listener last week, but only for 15 seconds.
Influencer Lorraine Fisher, 34, has begun her new podcast, called Be Nice, Be Kind, What Will You Be Today? which she plans to broadcast to her huge social and business network.
“I am sure everybody will be fascinated with what I have to say. I will have some very special guests.
“They will mostly people who have podcasts of their own. It’s like we will be in our own podcast vacuum talking shite to ourselves for hours on end.”
Ms Fisher, who has 27 followers on Instagram, says she has lots of inspirational quotes to share with anyone who might be interested.
She said she was influenced by this fine podcaster…
Meanwhile, the editor of the Suffolk Gazette has considered a podcast. “Unfortunately, our material is too serious and not suitable for podcasting,” he said. “Besides which, we can’t afford the equipment.”
Drink from our mugs instead
Ignore podcasts and listen to the radio while enjoying your coffee from a Suffolk Gazette mug. Buy from the Dirty Old Goat website or directly from the items below…
The popular TWTD Ipswich Town news website and forum is wondering if Mick McCarthy could return to the club after his latest sacking.
McCarthy lasted just two months at Cypriot club APOEL before getting the boot this week.
Having walked out of Ipswich in April 2018 after six years, with his relationship with fans at an all time low, some thought there could be no way back.
TWTD
But some posters, perhaps tongue in cheek, suggested he could come back to Portman Road.
Since he left, with the club still in the Championship, things at Ipswich have spiralled. First, Paul Hurst took over as boss and was awful. Then Paul Lambert was appointed, tasked with keeping the team in the league.
But the former Norwich boss failed to keep Ipswich in the Championship – sending the TWTD forum into meltdown when the side slumped to mid-table in League One.
This season has not started much better.
The Suffolk Gazette does not expect McCarthy to return to Ipswich, but tips him to take the hot seat at Sheffield Wednesday.
He’s a Yorkshireman, after all.
Uppa Towen
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Four Skin Bananas sales director Lorraine Fisher, 34
Suffolk’s famous banana plantation can finally sell bendy fruit thanks to Brexit.
The 500-acre Four Skin Bananas plantation near Halesworth was always forced to throw away about 25% of previous crops because the EU demanded all bananas needed to be as straight as possible.
But now, thanks to Brexit, Britain has left the barmy EU rules behind, and the Suffolk producer can sell all its yellow fruit produce, no matter how bendy it may be.
The EU Commission Regulation (EC) No. 2257/94 – dubbed the bendy banana law – has been ridiculed in the UK for years, but only now can it be ignored.
Four Skin Bananas sales director Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “This is excellent news as it means none of our lovely bunches of bananas will go to waste.
“Our bendy ones can now be sold legally in the UK, so keep your eyes peeled.
“But our exports to Europe will still only have a slight curve.
“This is jolly good news for our field workers, who work tirelessly tending to our crop to give a bumper harvest all year round.”
The land in east Suffolk is ideal for banana growing – the only place in the UK capable of supporting the fruit.
With low annual rainfall and above-average temperatures, the bananas thrive in Suffolk, saving shoppers paying extra for transporting the bananas from exotic locations like South America and Africa.
Shopper Steve Walshe said: “Finally, I can get my hands on some good old British bendy bananas. Thanks, Brexit.”
Buy a mug to go with your bendy bananas
If you are planning to tuck into a bendy banana for breakfast, buy a Suffolk Gazette mug so you can also drink your morning coffee in style. Buy from the Dirty Old Goat website, or from the listings below…
Many people are turning to more organic and natural treatments. This is because they have experienced adverse effects of the medicine that is filled with chemicals. People who are forced to take medicine all the time, try to replace their treatment with something more organic and natural.
Luckily there is a solution that will satisfy all your needs. That is the CBD products. You have probably read about the great benefits of these products, but have you considered treating your pet with some of these products. Before we go into that further, you need to understand what CBD is.
CBD, or cannabidiol, is a compound that can be mostly found in cannabis and hemp. The use of this oil is very positive, and scientists have confirmed that it does not contain delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, or the more common term, THC.
So, the question is, how does CBD affect dogs? As of now, there is not a confirmed study about the validity of CBD affection on dogs. But what scientists know for sure is that cannabinoids interact with receptors that are part of the endocannabinoid system. This system is located in the central and peripheral nervous system. For someone, this is unknown, but the central and peripheral nervous systems help maintain balance in your body, and they have one main function, which is to keep it in a healthy state.
The next question you might ask yourself is, what dog problems can be solved by using CBD oil treatment? There is no proven scientific data on using cannabidiol treatment for dogs. Still, a lot of dog owners have implied its usefulness. They suggest it to be used for problems such as neuropathic pain, helping dogs control seizures, etc.
What is it used for?
According to scientific data, CBD is used extensively for its anti-inflammatory properties, cardiac benefits, anti-nausea effects, stimulation for your dog’s appetite, and anti-anxiety impact. It is also possible for CBD to have very positive anti-cancer benefits.
Still, there has not been a confirmation nor enough scientific data on this matter. This is a brand-new investment for companies, and huge research teams have been hired to get more data and analyze it so our pets can be a lot happier and stress-free.
Although all medicine has positive effects on your body, it may as well have some side effects. Some of them are dry mouth, lowered blood pressure, and drowsiness. The risks and safety issues have not been confirmed yet, so it is currently unknown what dosage can be fatal for your dog. It is recommended to start out with a small dosage and carefully observe the effects on your dog.
Cannabidiol comes in a lot of forms, such as tincture oil, capsules, or as treats. Which option is the best for your dog? It depends mostly on what your dog wants and how you think it is the best way for your dog to adapt to that medicine. If you are not sure about which is the right way, you should always consult a veterinarian.
CBD oil for cats
CBD oil can also be used for our little trouble-makers. Such as the benefits for dogs, CBD can also help decrease inflammation, and with that, reducing the chronic pain in most mammals.
CBD can be very beneficial for your cats, as it helps your cat with anxiety, stress, pain, inflammation, seizures or epilepsy, arthritis, inflammatory bowel disease, and mainly, it focuses on keeping your cat well and healthy. You can check out various quality products at holistapet and other online websites.
What is the correct dosage of cannabidiol?
What is the correct dosage to be given to your cat? Scientists suggest that it is a preferable dosage of 2-4 mg of CBD oil per 10 pounds. It always depends on what is the situation of how serious the problem is. If your cat’s health is in a serious condition, you should up the dosage.
And always remember that it almost always takes about 10-50 minutes for the dose to kick in and start to have a full-effect in your cat’s system. The effect can last up to 4-6 hours, and it mostly depends on your cat’s system.
How to use CBD oil?
CBD oil can come in a lot of sorts, such as liquid, a pill and etc. Scientists have said that cats like the smell of the oil, so they don’t mind if it is mixed with some of their favorite food, such as salmon, tuna, or cat food. You can always put a few drops or a pill there, and the cat won’t mind it at all.
Scientific data has confirmed that the best effects of Cannabidiol oil are when it is taken on a full stomach. But it is mostly to your cat’s system, so you can always test it out in a week and see how your cat reacts. Learn more here.
More data for Cannabidiol usage?
In conclusion, if your fluffy friend from any condition as written above, you should always feel free to give your little friend a CBD dosage, and it is guaranteed that it will have a positive effect on your furball. If you want to find out more, you should go to this link and see for yourself.
