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BREAKING: New James Bond film set in California

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Royal plot: new James Bond film

By Jane Seymour, Royal Editor

The new James Bond film sees the spy working directly for Her Majesty The Queen to rid the world of two evil villains in California.

The Man With The Ginger Gun has Bond working undercover in Santa Barbara, near Los Angeles, tracking down a couple with crazed plans to take over the world. He also has time to perfect his James Bond roulette strategy in the LA casinos.

Our woman on the inside of the film set, Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The new film is a departure from the usual Bond plot.

“Although James is always on Her Majesty’s Service, he usually reports to M.

“But in The Man With The Ginger Gun, Bond is working directly on the orders of The Queen.

“She is alarmed by an organisation that has set up a secret base beneath a crater in California.

“Her Majesty is increasingly concerned about the launch of volleys of woke nonsense from the crater.

“The villains – an unnamed man and a woman – claim to be a force of good, determined to make the world a more compassionate place, and demanding that we all be kind.

“Clearly, they have no concept of real life.

“There is a direct threat to the Royal Family, and Bond is flown into California by gyrocopter from Amazon to sort it all out.”

Buckingham Palace refused to comment on the new Bond film, but scenes inside Buckingham Palace have been filmed already.

Ms Fisher was unable to give away too many details of the script, but she hinted it ends badly for the villains.

“Nobody takes on Her Majesty and wins,” she said.

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Giant mole terrorising Suffolk countryside

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Giant mole spotted in Suffolk
Giant mole spotted in Suffolk

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Police are warning people to stay indoors after reports of a giant mole terrorising villagers at Yoxford.

Claims that a six-foot-long mole had been spotted close to the King’s Head were initially put down to over-the-top taking of refreshment.

But now giant molehills have sprung up in the field and meadows nearby, and experts confirmed it was a rare Giant Guaca Mole – normally found in Wales.

Yoxford Parish Council called in professional mole catcher Bubba Spuckler, from Norfolk, who is usually adept at garden care using Amazon products.

But while investigating a huge mole burrow off Middleton Road, he received a nasty nip.

He now only has one arm.

Parish council chairperson Jackie Weaver told members that police should be aware of the giant mole.

“We’re told they are harmless but now Bubba is armless,” she said.

Police spokesperson Sergeant Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We have contacted the Ministry of Defence and they are sending their expert pest control people.

“They promise to catch the mole without harming it and plan to take it to Colchester Zoo, where it can spend the rest of its days making giant molehills in the elephant enclosure.

“Timing is critical because we don’t want the Guaca Mole mating, otherwise east Suffolk would soon be overrun.”

Residents in Yoxford are concerned the mole could burrow under their houses, which could then collapse into the tunnels.

Local potato farmer Maurice Piper said: “This mole is a real nuisance. If only it could see, it would realise what a mess it is making.”

The Giant Guaca Mole is a close relative of the Wac-A-Mole.

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Nurse looks forward to next medical check with Rishi Sunak

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Nurse Lorraine Fisher, 34, prepares for the examination
Nurse Lorraine Fisher, 34, prepares for the examination

By Phil Ward, Health Correspondent

A nurse has revealed she is looking forward to conducting a thorough examination at Rishi Sunak’s next medical appointment.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, spoke out after the Chancellor awarded a sickly 1% pay rise for NHS staff in the Budget, despite their heroic efforts during the pandemic.

“It seems clear the poor man has his own head stuck up his @rse,” explained Ms Fisher.

“I shall therefore need to conduct a very painful and embarrassing examination when he comes in for his next check-up.”

Looking rather cross as she tugged on her protective gloves, Ms Fisher warned that a lack of lubrication supplies might make things even more uncomfortable.

“He says he is bending over backwards to save Britain’s economy and is taking any questions.

“Let’s see how flexible he can be when I ask him to bend over,” said Ms Fisher, a ward nurse at Ipswich Hospital.

Meanwhile, another nurse, Steve Walshe, 43, wondered if Labour’s deputy leader Angela Rayner might like to sell on eBay the personalised

The quirkiest and funniest video games ever made

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Brits love playing games, with around half of the population having played at least one. The video games market in the UK is now worth more than £5 billion annually, with new consoles like the PlayStation 5 helping to encourage us to part with even more of our cash. 

Many of the most successful games in recent years have fallen into the traditional categories of first-person shooter, sports, racing, and RPG. This can be seen with titles like Fortnite, Call of Duty, FIFA, and Dota 2. 

Video game publishers focus on these genres because they know that they’re almost guaranteed to be successful. They are tried and tested, making them a safe bet to make when investing millions of pounds into the development of a new game. 

But occasionally, publishers take a chance and back a quirky, unique, or funny idea that breaks the usual mould for video game design. Here are some of them. 

The Dog House

The online video slot genre is incredibly competitive, there are thousands of different titles on offer in most online casinos. With players spoilt for choice, the casinos have to offer new and innovative features to stand out. In recent years, one way that companies have done this is by offering attention-grabbing jackpots that are paid out infrequently but grow progressively bigger until they do. 

Other developers have turned to branded slot games that use characters from movies like Ted and the Pink Panther, IP from television shows like Deal or No Deal, or music from bands like Motörhead. A 2019 slot game titled Thunderstruck even took inspiration from the AC/DC song of the same name. 

However, the developers of The Dog House Megaways did none of these things. They created a dog-themed slot game using wordplay for its name. Being “in the doghouse” usually means that someone is angry at you. It’s most commonly used to refer to a husband who’s upset his wife in some way.

Though a “dog house” can also refer to a small structure for a dog to live in, and that’s what you get with The Dog House Megaways. Along with this are dog-themed symbols like collars, bones, and pictures of dogs. It’s a fun and quirky take on the classic slot machine format that will appeal to dog lovers.

Job Simulator

Most people play video games to escape from the pressures of the day. So it was a brave move for Owlchemy Labs to create a video game that recreates the work environment in full 360-degree virtual reality.

It paid off though, since the company has won a slew of awards for Job Simulator, including Best VR Game at the Unity Awards and the Best VR/AR Game at the Game Developers Choice Awards. 

After donning their VR headset, players find themselves in a cartoonish recreation of an office. In this dystopian future, computers have taken over and employ humans. They have all the bad qualities you wouldn’t want in a boss, though you can also throw staplers at them without fear of real-world consequences.

Worms

In real life, worms are rather sedate creatures that live mostly below-ground, wiggling their way through the soil in search of scraps of food. Green-fingered humans can use worms to help speed up the decomposition of their compost heap, while silkworms weave cocoons of silk fibres that we can use to make fabrics.

While they’re incredibly useful at sustaining life on earth, worms aren’t particularly useful in battle. That didn’t matter to Andy Davidson, the creator of the original Worms game in November 1995. 

This 2D artillery tactical title was first released on the Amiga but there are now versions for just about every platform brought to market since. 

In the game, players control an army of worms who are, for unexplained reasons, fighting against a rival army. You take turns to launch a range of different weapons, including mortars, machine guns, and airstrikes to attack the opposing side. 

Apart from the oddly amusing concept, the game contains several other quirks. The worms will taunt you by saying things like “you’ll regret that” and “revenge” when you successfully inflict damage on them. If you miss, inadvertently attack your own team, or make another mistake the other worms will often insult you by saying things like “stupid”. 

Worms has had 22 sequels in the 25 years since it was first released. The most recent was Worms Rumble which went on sale in December 2020. It’s a little different to the others in the series, with 2.5D graphics and real-time play instead of the turn-based mechanics we’re used to. Despite the changes, it’s still just as hilarious as the other Worms titles.

Villagers attack internet engineer for ‘being a witch’

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By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

Police are hunting a gang of Suffolk residents who attacked a BT worker for “being a witch” because he was trying to connect the internet to their remote village.

The internet engineer had parked his van on the only lane into Buttsford, a tiny hamlet near Little Brimmer, and was tinkering with wiring in a junction box when the villagers marched around the corner, screaming: “Begone, witch. Your interweb powers will not work here.”

When the 27-year-old, who lives in Sudbury, Suffolk said he was simply connecting broadband internet to Buttsford, one of only a few hundred Suffolk villages still without access to the web, he was attacked by three of the men and a very large woman with no teeth.

buttsford-roadRemote: The main road into Buttsford

A police spokesman said: “He was roughed up, and the woman, who seemed to be the ringleader, began screaming that the engineer should be hung from the large oak tree on the green for being a witch.

“This excited the villagers even more, and two of the men carrying lit torches tried to grab the internet engineer, who by now had a bloody nose and had broken his pliers.

“Fearing for his life, he managed to wriggle free and get into his van before locking the doors. The villagers surrounded his vehicle and began banging on the windows screaming, ‘Begone, witch. Begone’.

“He drove off quickly and reported the incident to Stowmarket police station, telling stunned officers it was like a scene from the Walking Dead.”

Internet engineer

Police raced to Buttsford, which has only 34 residents, but all the locals were by then working in the fields, claiming not to have seen or heard anything.

Anyone with information is asked to call Crimestoppers.

Meanwhile, a BT insider said they would return to Buttsford to try connecting the Broadband again.

Spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We understand the locals have a fear of anything modern, but we have sent leaflets explaining the benefits of joining the internet age. We hope they are able to read.”

Whether you want to join the modern internet era or join the occult movement, you can compare the broadband available in your area. Hopefully, your internet service provider engineer doesn’t get chased out of town when installing a new line.

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Has strict educational censorship become a problem for students?

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Censorship in schools is not an easy issue to deal with. Many factors vary how students learn and also how a school can teach. Censorship is also not limited to a single aspect, as there is both changing the teaching process and removing specific methods or manipulating them to comply with censorship.

Of course, this censorship comes from two pillars: the authorities and the parents. They have decided what is appropriate and what is inappropriate for children. Be it religious and social issues, nationalism, nudism, sex, drugs, or evolution. However, as the world is consistently advancing towards a new climate, censorship comes mainly from parents concerned about their children’s education safety.

Therefore, we are faced with a paradox in which the new world is pitted against the past censorship. Any research paper on censorship shows that several students’ communities are at a loss, fighting against unjustified censorship that goes against what they’ve already learned and encountered throughout their lives. Reading an essay or research paper might broaden one’s perspective on the nature of this issue. Let’s see below how strict censorship has become a problem for students.

The existing effects of censorship

Although all parents want to protect their children’s minds from impurities and offensive content, it is a matter of time before it causes their education to leak. Taking away something as natural to human beings as sex education means that there will be less awareness of sexually transmitted diseases or birth controls.

But this is only a small stepping stone, as strict censorship also limits knowledge towards cultures outside our own. For instance, to understand the inequalities and recent struggles of African-American society in the United States, it is critical to study where the problem originated and how it happened.

Furthermore, as the new generations are becoming increasingly liberated from certain modern aspects such as sexuality, many students write and focus exclusively against the censorship of sexual freedom. This controversy has generated groups in the student community and also in our society today that strive explicitly against this censorship.

What happens on a large scale

Perhaps no one talks about it daily, but in an international economy such as the one we live in, closed minds have their expiration date. Because our economy has no labels other than money. Worldview limitations, be it cultural, social, or religious, will only harm the individual when he needs to interact and collaborate with other society members.

But when we talk about the larger scale, we also talk about what can be expected in our school or college classes. Because of the insistence and battles of parents who support censorship, more essential elements than just a book or an essay will soon have to be removed.

And it shows on paper that history repeats itself with outdated censorship. Therefore, we are in a snowball effect, where small groups of parents who do not agree with some writers or universities will reign. And since it is not possible to please everyone, that snowball effect will only continue to feed.

Selection or strict censorship

Many people do not know the difference between selecting content that a teacher may make or censorship. If we take the example of a list of books for a class, where the teacher removes particular books, it depends on whether he has dismissed them for a lack of time or concentrating on other books. Or whether he has done so out of hostility towards the content of the books.

The same is true in all education areas, where both teachers and authorities have to differentiate between wanting to improvise education or remove what does not please them. The truth is that in this subtle difference, the only ones who are affected are the students. Because as soon as a bias or a personal opinion enter, that is when censorship wins in our school systems’ selection process. 

Some of these parents pride themselves on being against certain information that deals with culture, nudity, drugs, religions, and more. Because to them, this protects not only their children but also the integrity of their community. Teachers feel threatened by these parents’ reactions, and many don’t want or can even handle them.

In conclusion

The world is moving forward, but many important aspects of it are not. Strict censorship is already deeply embedded as a problem for students. But it is not the students who are to blame for the integrity of the future. As it is the responsibility of those students’ environment to make them aware of the world outside the school.

The essential function of education in schools is the preparation for the real world. Kneeling to special interest groups will limit both the knowledge and behavior of these children when confronted with critical issues and problems. Strict censorship is a massive problem for students and our societies, enhancing honest behavior towards an ever-changing world.

Tips to improve your blackjack profits

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By happy coincidence, one of the most popular casino games is also the one where you have a better chance of making a profit. Blackjack is also simple to play, and you can find a seat instantly online.

The reason you stand a decent chance of winning money at blackjack is that the house edge is reasonably low. And the better news is that you can bring that down even more by applying some basic strategy tips.

For beginners, the house edge is just over 2%, which means that for every $100 you bet, you are expected to lose a little over $2. But by applying our strategy tips, you can bring the blackjack house edge down to as low as 0.5%.

That’s incredibly low by casino standards. You might ask why there is even a house edge. Well, without it, the casino could not make money, and if it made no money, it would soon close, and you would have nowhere to play. So, consider the house edge a small tax on your entertainment.

Blackjack strategy tips

All this advice is simple to adopt and will greatly improve your chances of turning a profit on any given blackjack session. And you don’t have to invest lots to have fun; you can find a $1 deposit casino online and start playing straight away.

Double down on 10 or 11

When you’re in a strong position, you want to get as much money on the table as you can to win more. One such occasion is when your two starting cards total ten or 11. When this happens, double down because it’s quite likely the next card will be value ten, giving you a total of 20 or 21.

But don’t double down if the dealer’s upcard is a ten or an ace – you could be running into the same or a better hand.

Stand when the dealer is on six or fewer

Always follow the logic that the next card is going to be value ten because tens, jacks, queens and kings are that value. So, if the dealer’s upcard is a six, five or four, it’s likely their second card will make their total 16, 15 or 14. That means they will have to take another card, and it’s highly likely they will go over 21 and bust.

With this in mind, you can stand on any total over 11, even on 12! There is no point in standing on 11 or fewer because you cannot bust by taking another card.

Splitting pairs

Splitting when you have a pair is another way of adding cash to the table and increasing your winnings if you go on to win a hand. But not all pairs are worth splitting:

  • Always split aces and eights
  • Never split tens (you already probably have the winning hand
  • Never split fours or fives
  • Only split remaining numbers if the dealer’s upcard is lower.

Don’t take insurance

If the dealer’s card is an ace, you will be offered the chance to take insurance. This means you add more money to the table, but you win cash back if the dealer makes a blackjack. While that sounds tempting, the odds of it happening, compared with the amount you must spend, make it a losing proposition.

Sure, you might win a couple of insurance bets and think it’s worth it, but over time, you will lose more than you make.

Don’t play side bets

When you play blackjack online, it’s tempting to spend money on side bets at the table. You can usually play 21+3 or Perfect Pairs. But while these are fun ways to make your blackjack play a little different, they are also statistically a losing proposition.

By sticking with these simple to understand basic strategies, you will greatly improve your chances of making a profit on your next blackjack game.

Netti-casino.biz is ready for a major relaunch

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Online gaming has been experiencing constant growth in recent years. Finns have been interested in gambling for decades before iGaming appeared on the Internet.

Digitalisation has created an environment that is conducive to online casinos, which is why there is such a broad range today. At first, it can be difficult to know which online platform to trust.

Netti-casino.biz is a project that has been relaunched in February 2021. It’s aimed at making it easier for Finns to gamble by helping to find reliable online casinos in Finland. The revamped platform includes reviews of licensed casinos, their game portfolios, and bonuses. With the help of reviews, players can easily focus on the gameplay, as Netti-casino.biz does all the research work on behalf of the player. The project is aimed to become the number one guide in the Finnish online gambling niche providing trustworthy information about casinos.

Smoothness, ease of use, and reliability are the keywords that Netti-casino.biz treats as high priority and pursues through its operations. With the relaunch, Netti-casino.biz will attract both Finnish online casino novice players and old enthusiasts. There is already a myriad of different online casinos and sites listing games on offer, but Netti-casino.biz seeks to stand out by offering a simple and modern alternative. 

Beginners, in particular, can get started by studying a gaming guide available on the site. The guide provides comprehensive data about trusted gaming sites, as well as the games, bonuses, usability, payouts, and other relevant information. More experienced players can also find valuable information to help them develop in their gaming careers.

Gambling with modern tools

The Netti-casino.biz project stands out from other online casino guides with numerous innovative decisions. Special attention has been paid to the platform structure and functionality. The site covers all the relevant information about gambling – including lists of trustworthy and tax-free casinos. A summary of the games, bonuses, and gaming experiences available at casinos is also an important part of the guide. 

Netti-casino.biz website looks pleasant for the eye, as the project has focused on ease of use and clear structure. It is easy for the user to find all the information they need, from bonuses and payment methods to games, reviews, and customer service. As a high-quality mobile platform is an essential part of today, Netti-casino.biz has also been designed to work on every mobile device.

The site focuses on providing players with expert knowledge of the gambling aspects. Unlike some other sites, the reader can be confident that the professionals at Netti-casino.biz have done careful research. As a result, you can focus on playing without any worries. 

The site only lists reputable online casinos with all the necessary licenses. Netti-casino.biz does not accept casinos with incomplete licenses, even if they have other pros. In addition to this, casinos must also follow certain rules to ensure the safety of players. 

Lists of online casinos and players’ reviews are always kept up-to-date. Overall, the project aspires to be a cutting-edge idea with the primary goal of safeguarding the player’s gaming experience. This is ensured by delivering well-designed, up-to-date tools.

Find several online casinos on social media

To make it easier to find the site and help you get started, Netti-casino.biz has expanded its visibility on social media. The project includes Pinterest, YouTube, and Twitter accounts, among others, which reach out to player groups in a variety of ways. The theme of social media accounts is the same as the website – these are designed to offer an easy and reliable approach to online gaming. 

The difference is that social media content provides a summary or preview of a topic that can be then explored in more detail on a website. However, it is just as important as a communicator of information because social media is used by almost all, making it easier to reach the gaming community. Through a social network, an interested reader can also comment and contact experts easily and quickly.

The use of social media is very topical nowadays. Most even use some channels to see the latest news and updates or to find people and communities to follow. Through Netti-casino.biz’s Twitter account, the reader can see, for example, summaries of the latest gambling news as well as an overview of popular casinos and games. It is also easy to link the games or sites in question to Twitter, making them available to the player at any time. 

YouTube, on the other hand, is a popular platform, especially among young adults. Our account provides visual information on, for example, the rules of the games, the different game formats, and the most popular online casinos at the moment. Also, the accumulation of bonuses may be easier to illustrate through video. 

Through Pinterest, the player gets a quick pictorial link to the desired page.

Cooperation is a prerequisite for continuous development

The Netti-casino.biz project will keep on developing and striving to secure the gaming experience of Finnish players by offering reviews based on expert research. The project is always continuing its development to reach its goal of becoming the number one online guide in Finland. The project was initiated by ScanTeam.pro, who in addition to Netti-casino.biz work with several other Scandinavian projects. 

The experts in ScanTeam.pro, who supported the project, specialise in online gambling. ScanTeam.pro’s website provides more information about the company, but an essential part of the company’s operations is the partnership between sites that deal with online gambling. ScanTeam.pro has previously been involved in international projects related to, among other things, reviews written by players and articles about online casino offerings.

The  Netti-casino.biz project thus started under the support of ScanTeam.pro. High-quality cooperation resulted in the development of the site’s technologies and main features. Gambling is one of the most common online pastimes, and since the stakes are high, ensuring the game’s safety and smooth operation is critical. Websites and games are also constantly changing, which is why Netti-casino.biz continues developing to keep players up to date. 

ScanTeam.pro will publish a list of other launched projects shortly, including Netti-casino.biz. Since games and entertainment are such an integral part of people’s lives, experts who are passionate about the subject make their information accessible to players. In the future, players won’t have to waste their time browsing through the sites and trying to distinguish between different casinos. They can enter the world of high-quality and safe gaming under the guidance of Netti-casino.biz.