Thursday, June 6, 2024

Gluttonous builder leaves his neighbour with not mushroom to park

Gluttonous builder leaves his neighbour with not mushroom to park
Gluttonous builder leaves his neighbour with not mushroom to park

RIVERSIDE CLOSE, BURY ST Edmunds: A simmering feud, pitting neighbour against neighbour has erupted into a clash of automotive egos. Resulting in a full-blown parking battle.

By Our: Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

Brian Hanratty, a retired Haddock de-boner of No.21 Riverside Close. Known for his meticulousness, found himself repeatedly thwarted by his neighbour. Fat builder, Steve Bell’s habit of selfishly parking his filthy Iveco van in front of his driveway, oblivious to the inconvenience he caused.

For Hanratty, the final straw came when Bell’s unsightly white van once again occupied the space outside his home. Barricading his beloved 1962 Triumph Herald 1200 within the confines of his driveway.

With the Suffolk Fish De-boner’s annual convention beginning within the hour fifty miles away in a Lowestoft hotel. Hanratty found himself trapped in his drive, his departure delayed by Bell’s barricade.

Blocked arteries

Despite desperate honking from Hanratty’s car horn. Bell remained indoors, stuffing his face with a full English breakfast. Dolefully prepared for him by his long-suffering housewife, Joanne, his appetite apparently more pressing than neighbourly courtesy.

With a long history of arguments, slanging matches, and even physical tussles behind them – none of which encouraged Bell to change his behaviour – Hanratty eventually gave up, deciding to take a taxi to the convention instead. Before departing, however, motivated by petty revenge, the disgruntled Haddock enthusiast left a vicious graffiti on Bell’s van, wiped in the dirt on the bonnet with his finger.

Cocky neighbour

With a bitingly creative flourish, Hanratty prefixed and suffixed the Iveco branding on the van with subtle amendments which transformed “IVECO” into “MASSIVE COCK”.

Satisfied with his work, Hanratty photographed the entirely appropriate insult and sent a copy to the SUFFOLK GAZETTE which we have reprinted here for your enjoyment.

Meanwhile: 400 BBC jobs to be ‘slashed’ (not take a piss – trim) from its revered ‘World Service’.

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