Sunday, May 26, 2024

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Furious pigeons warn: leave our statues alone

Pigeon Lorraine Fisher, 34, on her favourite statue

Britain’s pigeons have warned activisits: leave our statues alone.

The feathered creatures are furious that BLM protesters wish to remove a large number of statues from the UK.

They insist the bronze and stone monuments are not only their natural perches but their toilets, too.

Pigeon Lorraine Fisher, 34 (in pigeon years), said: “While we pigeons abhor racism, we cannot stand idly by and let our habitat be destroyed.

“Tearing down some of our favourite toiletry destinations is nothing more than a coo. Are we expected to stand around with our spindly legs crossed?

“We will join as one to swoop down and crap on anyone we see threatening a statue. We actually don’t care if they tear it down, so long as they put another one up first.”

The news comes as it emerges Nelson’s Column is moving to Great Yarmouth for its own protection.

Britain’s seagulls have formed an unlikely alliance with the pigeons, insisting they would also prefer the statues to remain in place.

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