Sunday, June 2, 2024

Suffolk Airlines begins passenger weighing

Suffolk Airlines begins passenger weighing

Suffolk Airlines has announced the introduction of a new “passenger weighing” policy at their baggage drop counters.

Gone are the days of fretting over the weight of your suitcase alone. Now, travellers must face the added indignity of stepping onto the scales themselves.

The decision, which has raised eyebrows and tightened waistlines. It comes as part of a crackdown on a peculiar form of contraband: root vegetables. Yes, you heard that right. Suffolk farmers have reportedly been attempting to smuggle their beloved produce out of the country under the guise of holidaymaking.

Drastic measures

In a bid to curb this underground vegetable trade, Suffolk Airlines has taken drastic measures. Requiring passengers weighing alongside their luggage. No longer can farmers slip past security checkpoints with sacks of parsnips and potatoes. Tucked discreetly into their suitcases along with the obligatory 800 packets of Benson & Hedges.

Cons of Passenger weighing

While the airline insists that the policy is necessary to maintain safety and efficiency on board. Passengers are less than thrilled at the prospect of being subjected to such vege-scrutiny. Many people, especially fat ones, have decried the move as invasive and unnecessary. Likening the experience to a public weigh-in at a livestock show.

Finnish your vegetables

Meanwhile, across the pond, European carrier Finnair has initiated a similar trial at Helsinki Airport. With volunteers being subjected to on-the-spot weigh-ins at the departure gate. As airlines around the world grapple with the challenge of accurately estimating aircraft weight. Passengers find themselves caught in the crossfire of a bizarre battle against airborne agricultural smuggling.

So, the next time you find yourself preparing for a flight with Suffolk Airlines. Be sure to pack light—and leave those turnips at home. After all, you wouldn’t want to get caught with an aubergine stuffed down your underpants.

Meanwhile, Smug passenger shaves ten seconds off flight

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