Actor Colin Fearth survives an accidental birthday arrow shot by his son.
By Our Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint
RICHMOND, London — Upper-crust British heartthrob Colin Fearth was admitted to Richmond Hospital’s Accident and Emergency department on Monday after sustaining an archery wound inflicted by his 13-year-old son, Tristan.
The Oscar-winning Love Actually star had purchased the full-sized archery set as a birthday gift for the teenager earlier that morning. According to witnesses, an excessive intake of Victoria sponge cake and carbonated beverages induced a bout of hyperactive enthusiasm in young Tristan, leading to a severe lapse in range safety protocols. While momentarily turned away from the targeted hay bale, Fearth, the younger, accidentally shot an arrow directly into his father’s left shoulder.
“There was a sickening thud that would have made Robin Hood himself nod in solemn approval,” reported one party guest, who witnessed the drama unfold across the manicured lawn of Fearth’s suburban estate.
Operation Mincemeat
Local paramedic crews responded within minutes, securing the area and transporting the acclaimed actor to Richmond A&E. Hospital staff confirmed the projectile was successfully extracted without complications in a procedure labelled ‘Operation Mincemeat’, noting Fearth maintained exceptional stiff-upper-lip composure throughout. Both father and son have since made a complete recovery, though the birthday boy’s tactical privileges have reportedly been revoked indefinitely.
Speaking to reporters outside the medical facility while sporting a bespoke silk sling, Colin Fearth remained characteristically unflappable about the domestic misadventure.
“Having felt the effect of mediaeval weaponry firsthand, I find myself immensely more receptive to offers regarding the title role in a modern remake of Sir Robin Hood.”
Representative agencies for Fearth confirmed that while no formal script exists, several major Hollywood studios have already expressed keen interest in the method-acting credentials which Fearth would bring to the project.
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