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Lowestoft Man Dies Waiting for Gas Engineer

Lowestoft Man Dies Waiting for Gas Engineer

Suffolk pensioner dies in armchair while waiting for British Gas Engineer.

By Our Angling Correspondent: Courtney Pike

LOWESTOFT — A Suffolk pensioner’s wait for the arrival of a gas engineer has finally ended, following his peaceful passing at his residence on Tuesday.

Rupert Drummond, 65, of Lowestoft, was discovered in his armchair by emergency services yesterday morning. Forensic analysts estimate his time of death at approximately 9:00 AM on 28th May—exactly one hour into his rescheduled five-hour service window.

The saga began on 12th February, when Mr Drummond reported a prominent whistling sound radiating from his boiler. Records indicate British Gas resolved the noise on its second attempt, seamlessly replacing it with a total loss of system pressure. Neighbours confirmed this secondary issue was almost certainly a direct result of engineering incompetence.

Blood boiled, boiler didn’t

Following three months of subsequent telephone hold music, British Gas scheduled a follow-up appointment for 27th May. This was cancelled via automated text message, which promised an engineer would reliably attend the following day between 8:00 AM and 1:00 PM.

“Rupert was a patient man,” said next-door neighbour Clara Higgins, who alerted authorities after noticing three untouched pints of semi-skimmed milk on the porch. “He wanted to ensure he was fully dressed and seated by 7:55 AM so as not to miss them. It turns out he didn’t.”

Upon breaking down the door, emergency personnel located Mr Drummond’s skeletal remains in an armchair, still oriented toward the front door in anticipation.

A spokesperson for British Gas expressed mild regret over the timing of the incident but noted that, technically, the customer was no longer experiencing a low-pressure issue. The company confirmed that because the homeowner was not present to answer the door, the appointment has been logged as a “customer no-show” and a £55 missed-visit fee will be applied to his estate.

Meanwhile: Villagers attack internet engineer for ‘being a witch’

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