Seagull 73 immediately soils Lowestoft’s anti-seagull sign, asserting feathered authority forever.

By Our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

Residents of Lowestoft have reacted with little surprise after the town’s most infamous seabird, Seagull 73, was reportedly seen defecating on a newly installed street sign prohibiting seagulls along the seafront.

The sign, erected earlier this week as part of a council initiative to “discourage airborne food theft”, remained spotless for approximately seventeen minutes before Seagull 73 arrived, circled twice, and deposited what witnesses described as “a strongly worded response.”

Council officials declined to confirm whether the incident constituted criminal damage or political protest but admitted a clean-up operation was underway.

Seagull 73 is widely regarded as Lowestoft’s undisputed feathered crime boss. His remarkable reputation stretches back to infancy, when, aged just five weeks, he reportedly fell from his cliff-top nest before immediately saving his mother from the attention of an Alsatian dog.

From there, his rise was swift. He assumed command of the notorious Lowestoft Seagull Squadron, transforming opportunistic chip theft into what many observers now regard as a disciplined aerial profession. Holidaymakers carrying doughnuts, sandwiches or chips quickly learned that possession rarely guaranteed ownership.

Knowing smirk

Local chip shop owners have long abandoned resistance, with several displaying notices reminding customers that responsibility for food ends the moment it leaves the counter and enters Seagull 73’s operational airspace.

Attempts to overthrow his reign have proved unsuccessful. Seagull 2946 famously challenged him after allegedly attempting to establish air superiority by flying alongside the Red Arrows. Seagull 73 reportedly responded with a knowing smirk before returning to an afternoon nap on the roof of an ice cream parlour.

Now believed to be 34 years old, Seagull 73 continues to patrol Lowestoft’s skies with complete air superiority.

The council has confirmed that replacement signs are already on order. Seagull 73 is understood to regard them as future targets rather than instructions.