Waitrose newspaper stack creates a very suggestive anatomical illusion.

By Our Consumer Correspondent: Colin Allcabs

IPSWICH — High-end supermarket Waitrose found itself at the centre of a localized moral panic this morning. After a stack of their free “Waitrose Weekend” newspapers created a physiological optical illusion that left shoppers clutching their organic kale in shock.

The incident occurred when copies of the weekly publication were placed in a clear plastic distribution bin. While the individual front page features a seemingly innocent, high-resolution close-up of an egg—the stacking process proved disastrous.

Hold the front page

Due to the precise alignment of the papers. The vertical edges of the stacked pages created a dark, textured pillar directly beneath the rounded image. To the casual passerby, the resulting visual was not that of a gourmet recipe. Rather a remarkably vivid, life-sized depiction of male genitalia.

“I just wanted to check the price of pheasant breasts,” said one shopper, who asked to remain anonymous. “I turned the corner and was confronted by what appeared to be a structural achievement in biology. It’s certainly a bold direction for their ‘Essential’ range.”

A spokesperson for the “Waitrose Weekend” editorial team has yet to confirm if the egg described in the sub-headline was intended to land square in their own face.

As of this afternoon, the stack remains in place. Though several customers have noted that the “Pick Up Your Free Copy” sign now feels significantly more suggestive than usual.

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