Fortune teller fired after failing to foresee sick-day concert sacking.
By Our Angling Correspondent: Courtney Pike
LOWESTOFT — A seaside fortune teller has been dismissed from her post on Lowestoft Pier after failing to foresee that calling in sick to attend a Harry Styles concert would result in her immediate termination.
Gypsy Lee Rose, who possessed one remaining day of annual leave, reportedly engineered a long weekend after the pop star announced a Friday night concert in Edinburgh. Documents show Ms. Rose booked the Saturday as official holiday, intending to falsely claim sick leave for the Friday shift to accommodate the travel from Suffolk to Scotland.
The strategy collapsed one week later when pier management noted a series of logistical anomalies.
According to pier sources, Ms. Rose was summoned to a disciplinary meeting to address the coincidence of her acute Friday illness directly preceding her approved Saturday leave. Management also questioned why, upon returning to work, she was wearing a T-Shirt with “Harry Styles Rocks Edinburgh” printed across the front.
Story of my life
During the hearing, Ms. Rose mounted a defence rooted in her professional discipline. She argued that a powerful premonition of her impending Friday illness had prompted her to proactively book the Saturday off. This, she claimed, was an altruistic measure designed to save the business from paying two days of statutory sick pay instead of one.
Pier owner Arthur Pendelton remained unconvinced.
“I told her I have never believed she could see into the future,” Pendelton said in a statement. “And I am now entirely certain of it, given she clearly failed to foresee herself getting sacked for gross misconduct.”
Ms. Rose was dismissed on the spot for fraudulently claiming sick pay. When asked for comment regarding her future career prospects, Ms. Rose replied, “Fuck knows”.