IPSWICH, SUFFOLK – Willy Wanker – The company behind the disastrous Willy’s Chocolate Experience in Glasgow has now brought their unique brand of “immersive” entertainment to the streets of Ipswich.

Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

Promising an adult adventure into the realms of sensuality and eroticism. The ‘Adult Pleasure Zone’ has opened its doors to eager patrons, only to leave them sorely disappointed.

Hyped as an immersive orgasmic journey. Attendees quickly realized that the only thing immersive about the experience were the puddles blocking its back alleyway entrance. Instead of a tantalizing exploration of the senses. Visitors found themselves confronted with a scene straight out of a sleazy 42nd Street nightmare.

Sensation offered by Willy Wanker

The centrepiece of the attraction? A soiled mattress propped up against a grimy exterior wall, surrounded by overflowing trash cans and discarded cardboard boxes. Far from the promised pornographic pleasure, the only sensation on offer seemed to be a creeping sense of regret.

Paying for it

Attempts to reach out to the organizers for comment were met with silence. Leaving patrons to ponder the true nature of the ‘erotic unknown’ they were promised.

Many questioned whether the entire venture was nothing more than a cynical cash grab. Preying on the desires of the unsuspectingly sexually needy.

For the sex starved residents of Ipswich, the ‘Adult Pleasure Zone’ has quickly become the butt of their jokes and a cautionary tale of the perils of chasing sexual fantasies instead of a settling down with a good book in front of the fireplace.

As for the organizers, they may find that their latest venture leaves a lasting stain on their reputation, as grubby as the one on their mattress.

Meanwhile: Tractor lovers now have own internet dating site