Sunday, May 26, 2024

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What time do you call this, then?

What time do you call this, then?
Road sign diversion to the Pub.

“What time do you call this, then?” Aaah… the classic accusatory question faced by all men arriving home from work late to their wives and girlfriends.

Well, thanks to an unfortunate diversion caused by roadworks outside The Bear pub in Bredfield, East Suffolk, all feckless men determined to avoid going home to the wife and screaming kids – now have the perfect excuse not to.

“I wanted to come straight home luv, but I couldn’t, honest! I got diverted into the pub.” Ha ha! Get out of that wifey!

Forced into pub

The cause of the diversion was either a burst water main, a humongous pothole, the laying of new communications cables, or the burial of a newly deceased council roadworker. It doesn’t matter. Who cares why the road has been dug up when the outcome is literally being forced to go to the pub?

This reporter joined the throng of delayed white van men, teachers, civil servants, and other so-called ‘working people’ who were inexplicably in the packed Bear pub at 3.45pm on a Monday afternoon to ask them how it felt to be imprisoned in a pub against their will. John, 37, a fat plumber from around the corner told me “I really wanted to get home early tonight because the boy has football training.

I know it’s pissing down today, but I genuinely love standing in the rain and cold watching his team – who are a bit shit, to be honest – aimlessly knocking the ball around for two hours. Shame I won’t be able to get home in time. Oh well, the missus’ll have to take him.”

Super ‘Mare

And Barry, 28, a science teacher (I didn’t know they still existed!) who teaches at the local Westfield Primary School said “I was gutted when I was forced to come into the pub. The mother-in-law was coming over for dinner and she, the wife, and I were going to plan our summer holiday together. Barbara always comes along. Two weeks at Parkdean holiday camp in Weston. I can’t wait. Barman!”

Happy with delay

I conducted a quick straw poll of the entire clientele of the pub by shouting “But aren’t you annoyed at the delay to your journeys home?” through cupped hands to which the entire pub replied, in unison, “No!”

According to the council workmen who were ‘carrying out’ the repairs (and who were also in the pub), the works are scheduled to continue for as long as possible.

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