Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Latest Stories

Waitrose takes advantage of social distancing to ban common people


Upmarket supermarket Waitrose has taken social distancing to a whole new level – by banning all the working classes from its premises.

The new rules, which came into force this week, ensure that common people are kept well apart from the nice middle-classes shoppers.

Waitrose spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We wish our shoppers to feel like they are king or queen of the store when they visit.

“They should be able to park the Audi or Volvo and walk around without the prospect of coming into any sort of contact with the great unwashed.

“The coronavirus social distancing requirements have given us the perfect cover to do what we always wanted – ban the oiks.”

Waitrose security staff will now man the doors carrying out working class detector tests, involving studying visitors clothing brands and checking how they smell.

But common person Steve Walshe hit back.

“The can stick their artichoke hearts where the sun don’t shine,” he said.

Buy a mug online, no social distancing required

Stay safe and buy a gift for a loved one with funny mugs from our partner Dirty Old Goat.

🤞 Get our stories on email

Receive awesome content in your inbox, every week.

We don’t spam! Read more in our privacy policy


Most Read

Be a shining star, follow us on Twitter!