Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Thuggish Essex seagulls move in on Suffolk resorts

Essex seagull Wayne on his manor in Aldeburgh yesterday

By Peter Grimes, Aldeburgh Correspondent

The well-mannered Essex seagulls at quaint Suffolk seaside resorts are being displaced by aggressive and badly-behaved gulls, it has emerged.

The chavvy Essex seagulls have moved up the coast after learning of rich pickings from daytrippers in the posh towns of Aldeburgh and Southwold.

The working class birds have now fought off the local seagulls, who were always polite when asking for food from visitors.

Now, tourists can expect to be bombarded by the thuggish Essex gulls, who think nothing of dishing out a solid right hook before running off with your organic pork pie and apricot and pistachio sausage rolls.

Essex seagulls expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The Essex gulls have tired of fatty kebab and burger meat from common Essex seaside resorts like Clacton and Southend.

“Through the bird social media grapevine (Twitter), they learned that if they moved north, there were glorious packed lunches and hampers, full of delicious, well-made nutritious and locally-sourced food.

“This lot do not play by the rules. They fight unfairly, are loud, rude and aggressive. But that’s Essex for you.”

Suffolk seagull, Olivia, five, said: “They came in the dead of night and booted us out of our nests.

“We were taken by surprise and have fled up north to Norfolk. Unfortunately, most people there eat roots so we don’t get much leftovers.”

Essex seagull Wayne, three, said: “What you looking at?

“Give me that truffled pâté en croute or I’ll take your eye out.”

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