FRAMLINGHAM, SUFFOLK – Ipswich farmer Graeme Diggard has unveiled his latest creation—the ‘Long Cow.’
By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent
Diggard, a visionary in agricultural circles, claims to have achieved this remarkable feat by incrementally stretching his cattle over a 20-year period, resulting in a herd of 20-foot-long livestock.
Stretching the truth
The Long Cow, with its elongated stature and extended mooooooooooooo, has become the toast of the udderly astonished Framlingham farming community. Farmer Diggard proudly stated, “Oi arlways thort… wuy shouldn’t cows be as larng as crarcodoiles? Oi warthced a lart of Tarzan as a boiy.” According to Diggard, the innovative breeding program represents a 200% year-on-year increase in Hill Farm’s milk and beef sales, making it a cash cow in more ways than one.
Success of Suffolk Farmer
However, success comes at a price, and in this case, it’s a spatial one. The Long Cow’s elongated elegance has rendered Hill Farm’s fields near Framlingham, Suffolk, woefully inadequate for the lengthened herd. Diggard confessed, “Oi may have overlooked the spatial requoirements of the crarcodoiles – I mean larng cows. Them there crarcs are long on charm but short on space.”
Tall tree story
Diggard, who once famously caught himself on CCTV leaving wellie boot trails across his own fields, is next planning on breeding ‘Tall Pigs’. His method involves fitting the swine with lead boots and leaving them dangling from tall trees.