Britain wins Olympic gold medal for moaning

Team GB moaning captain, Steve Walshe from Suffolk
Team GB moaning captain, Steve Walshe from Suffolk

There was more good news from the Tokyo Olympics today when Britain stormed to victory in the moaning.

Team GB was awarded a top score for completing a tough routine that was high on difficulty but a little low on originality. Rapid-fire topics included:

  • Brexit
  • Masks, vaccinations and COVID restrictions
  • The weather
  • Boris Johnson
  • Keir Starmer
  • Immigration
  • GB News
  • Right-wingers
  • Left-wingers
  • Work
  • House prices

Despite a late drama when veteran Karen Smith was sent back to the team hotel for being too happy, Britain held their nerve and put in a superb moaning display.

They knocked the much-fancied USA team into second place, while Australia was disappointed with bronze. Judges determined the Aussies had been whining more than moaning, a slip that cost them valuable points.

Moaning captain Steve Walshe said: “This is the result of years of hard work and I want to thank everyone back in the UK for moaning constantly, especially on social media.

“You have all been our inspiration and we look forward to having a good moan about it together when we get home.”

British Moaning Association chairperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It’s quite ridiculous that we have had to go all the way to Japan to win this.

“The Government has messed everything up.”

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