Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Socialist movie star Martin Freeman gives up showbiz for bin-biz

Movie star and telly actor, Martin Freeman (you know… the bloke from ‘The Office’) has announced that he is giving up showbiz to become a bin man.

Yes, we know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true… kind of. Oh, okay, it’s not true at all, but it could be. Want to know why? Because Martin Freeman is… wait for it… A socialist! Yes, we know it sounds unbelievable but it is true… kind of. Oh, okay, it’s not true at all, but it could be.

Martin Freeman, whose net worth is estimated to be a cool £20 million, and who owns a big, ugly-looking £5 million house in London’s exclusive Belsize Park area, could be a Socialist if he really wanted to be, and apart from the extravagant, Tory-style choice of home and bank balance, the signs are there that he is thinking about it.

What signs?

First of all, Martin Freeman dumped his rabid, loonie-left wife and former co-star, Amanda Abbindon, Abbington or whatever her name is, presumably for someone less uptight. Freeman and whatsername – a former bit-part player in ‘The Bill’, and ‘Casualty’ – starred together in real life as well as hit BBC detective thriller ‘Sherlock’ which had all white actors in the lead roles.

The two filthy-rich left-wingers had planned to remain married until Freeman realized that it was completely untenable for the two of them to keep turning up at anti-Brexit rallies, soup kitchens, and other poor people’s events when they had so much money and jewels of their own. The fact that Abindon comes across as an overbearing, hypocritical snob probably helped Freeman make up his mind. 

The other sign is that Freeman has set up a proper working-class, leftie trash removal business with his working-class, Tory-supporting mates – Dan & Nick – called ‘Lord of the Bins’ which only requires ‘One Ring to move it all.’ We thought that the trash had already been moved when he dumped Abbigdonton, but clearly not.

Tory, or not Tory? That is the question.

This reporter snuck up to the bin van while it was parked outside Freeman’s house to search for clues that might reveal whether he was going to become a real socialist or remain a Tory.

What I saw shocked me. The van was not filled – as I had expected it to be – with wads and wads of cash being thrown away by a man about to renounce his own grotesque wealth, no. Rather, it had some ladies shoes, handbags, clothes, some old opened love letters (which appeared to have been torn in two), and least surprisingly of all, a pair of tickets to ‘The Unfriend’ starring Amanda Abbington at the Criterion Theatre in London’s West End.

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