Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Rich kids eject ticketless illegal migrants from Glastonbury Festival

GLASTONBURY, SOMERSET – A small inflatable dinghy filled with illegal migrants in orange life jackets found itself far from its intended destination on Friday night.

By Our Crime Editor: Rob Banks

The vessel, carrying around ten economic migrants including some children. It lost its way crossing the English Channel. Instead ended up being hoisted into the crowd gathered to watch the band Idles perform on the Other Stage at Worthy Farm in Glastonbury.

As the Bristol rock band played their 2018 hit “Danny Nedelko,”. With its opening lyrics, “My blood brother is an immigrant, a beautiful immigrant,”. The audience was stunned to see the actual embodiment of the song’s message descending upon them.

Concertgoer and self-proclaimed “festival junkie” Tara Winkle said, “I thought it was some next-level performance art, ya! Turns out it was real poor people!”

Crowd surfing

The illegal migrants’ boat, adrift and confused. It had apparently meandered off course in a series of navigational blunders, eventually making its way to Somerset instead of the southern shores of England.

luxury life awaiting for illegal migrants

Police quickly intervened, and the bewildered illegal migrants were escorted from the festival grounds. After initial processing, they were reportedly transferred to TV pundit Gary Lineker’s pristine £4m London home, a location chosen. According to sources, for its ample space and Lineker’s well-known advocacy for refugees.

In the meantime, Glastonbury organizers are reviewing security protocols. To ensure future festivals remain a haven for white, middle-class trustafarians and free from invading migrants, proles and other undesirables. This year, the gated festival’s ethos of exclusivity was certainly tested, but the unexpected guests were soon dealt with. Future immigrant gatecrashers have been warned- if your name’s not down … you’re not coming in.

Meanwhile: Yet more Norfolk migrants arrive in Suffolk by train

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