News

Suspects to be shot in police budget cuts

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By Rob Banks
Crime Editor

Suffolk Police officers will be allowed to shoot criminals in a hugely controversial bid to save money.

The cash-strapped East Anglian force, which needs to save £200 million, believes giving constables a licence to kill will also be a massive deterrent to the county’s criminal fraternity.

But the plans by Suffolk Crime Commissioner Tim Passless were attacked by human rights campaigners as “barbaric” – while local UKIP activists said the measures did not go far enough.

Mr Passless will announce that from July 1, all officers will be issued with handguns, including voluntary community support beat officers.

Meanwhile, traffic cops will also get long-range sniper rifles so they can take down suspects fleeing by car.

Mr Passless will insist that police will be under strict instructions to shoot and kill only suspects they are “pretty sure” are guilty.

Armed police in Suffolk

A police insider told Suffolk Gazette: “By eradicating suspects in his way, we will save an absolute fortune.

“First there will be none of the endless paperwork required when we arrest someone.

“We’ll then free up the drain of packed police station cells, stop the need for many court cases, then ultimately slash the future prison population.

“It’s a no brainer that will save way more than our £200 million budget shortfall.”

Cops have already been testing firearms at a secret gun range in Martlesham, where they quickly ruled out issuing machine guns because of the risk of “collateral” damage.

One senior officer said: “We’re looking forward to it. This will bring back old-fashioned policing to our streets. Justice will be fair and swift.

“We expect one or two mistakes in the early days, but we ask the public to stick with us. Once the first few toe rags are out of the way, the public will be fully on board.”

The human rights group Don’t Shoot was furious. Spokesman Ivor Smith-Wesson said: “This is barbaric. If there has been a robbery, officers can shoot to kill anyone they have reason to believe is involved – even if that suspect is unarmed and running away.

“There’s also bound to be fatal mistakes because the force has cut back on expensive eye tests for its officers.”

But local UKIP councillor Major Anthony Pugh was full of praise for the new policy.

“This will make our streets safer, and free up loads of cash for our police force. It might even allow for the return of the Suffolk police Apache helicopter.

“If anything we’d support an even tougher crackdown, and hand these weapons to all immigration officers as well.”

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25 Comments

  1. Anthony

    October 24, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    2 things one don’t run if you’re challenged and secondly move out of Suffolk if you think it’s no longer safe!!

  2. Maj. C. G. Spade (Retd.)

    March 30, 2015 at 11:09 am

    Dear Sir

    May I just take this opportunity to commend the Constabulary on this excellent initiative.

    Back in my day, any fellows stepping out of line would welcome a quick slap on the wrist, rather than everyone going through reams of paperwork to give him some meaningless ASBO or whatever they call it.

    I would also add that I have several chums who would be rather keen to join up as part of reserve constabulary. With numbers thin, we would happily be on standby to deal with any blighters should the need arise.

    Since the government introduced this annoying ban on hunting, many of us have missed the opportunity to keep our eye in and we wouldn’t even need equipping. Just give us the nod and we’ll be there in a jiffy.

    May I also thank your organ for ensuring that this important story has seen the light of day. We need more fellows like you publishing proper news articles.

    Yours, etc.

    Maj. C G Spade (Retd.)

    • The Editor

      March 30, 2015 at 11:24 am

      Dear Major Spade,

      With a name like that, it’s no wonder you like it when we did up great exclusives.

      Regards,
      The Editor

  3. Derek Walker

    March 28, 2015 at 9:10 am

    One point, not detracting from the article a TOE rag is a reference to the unkempt children of bargees frequenting TOW PATHS an not to items of pedal hygene.

    • Ed the Red

      March 28, 2015 at 10:10 pm

      Lots of grungy old duffers around here sporting smelly old bandages around their toes.

      Ingrowing toenails resulting from old folk resorting to rusty long handled lawn edgers to cut their nails, apparently.

      Tory cuts resulting in a lack of chiropodists, mainly affecting the Blue Rinse Brigade and the Colonels, it would seem. Jolly bad luck.

      Arf Arf.

  4. Gerald Pieti

    March 27, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    I just hope I’m not one mistakenly shot as a passerby

  5. Pat winslett

    March 26, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    You’ve got to laugh!!

  6. V. Putin

    March 26, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    Just wait for the pinko-leftie do-gooders to kick-off good-style if one or two so-called “innocents” get their come-uppance from our boys-in-blue. Damn good thrashing never did anyone any harm in times gone by, so why can’t they just see what everyone else can, namely that extermination is evolution at its finest?

    • The Editor

      March 26, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      Dear Mr Putin

      Your name looks awfully familiar. Have we met? Maybe when I opened the Charsfield fete last summer?

      Regards,
      The Editor

      • V. Putin

        March 26, 2015 at 4:00 pm

        Dear Sir, I fear you may have confused me for my elderly uncle Ras. We thought he’d disappeared completely some time ago, but apparently not! Does this “Charsfield” have a postcode for incoming missil….I mean mail?

    • sally simpson

      March 28, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      lets hope your one of their first mistakes then – seeing as your all for it, would only be supportive of you to volunteer!

  7. Nick Yabyke

    March 25, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    In view of the recent increase in taxes, all suspended sentences should mean hanging from the mast of the nearest trawler. Lowestoft has no fleet left, and therefore deportation to Holland looks to be favourite.

    There is an EU grant available for such purposes – contact your UKIP euro MP for details.

  8. Sir Lee old Git

    March 25, 2015 at 7:28 am

    Dear All, I applaud the way you are approaching crime- you are free to visit Frinton-on-Sea and bring some discipline to our avenues
    Love to all
    Lord Frinton

  9. Harry Callahan

    March 24, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    I’ve long since retired from the Police Force in my native San Francisco. How ever since moving to Halesworth I’ve been disturbed by “Chavs” at the railway station whilst waiting for the train to visit Beccles. I’ve often considered over a pint of ale at Wetherspoons that a more US and indeed my own personal style of Policing would be beneficial to this fine county. I for one applaud these measures!

    Harold Francis “Dirty Harry” Callahan. SFPD Retired.

    • The Editor

      March 24, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      Dear Mr Callahan,

      That would “make my day”.

      Would you mind sending in a signed photograph so that we can auction it off for the Southwold Women’s Institute cake stall fund? They love Dirty Harry films.

      Regards,
      The Editor

    • Newt Salad

      March 24, 2015 at 9:38 pm

      Similar problems with the Silver Haired Gang in Debenham on a Tuesday.

      This predominantly female gang of disruption, sequester the services of the Post Office exclusively, unashamedly depleting it’s resources of cash on the pretext of it being’Pension Day’

      After which they hijack the 11:06 Simmonds Stagecoach into Ipswich for High Jinks and shopping, apparently.

      Such is their fearsome reputation in Ipswich they are only allowed into Marx’s two at a time, unless accompanied by a responsible child.

      • The Editor

        March 24, 2015 at 9:53 pm

        Dear Mr Salad Days,

        Debenham really has gone downhill, hasn’t it? I’ll pass this on to my crime team, Rob Banks and Hugh Dunnett.

        Regards,
        The Editor

        • New T'salad

          March 24, 2015 at 10:10 pm

          I should say so. I witnessed the most disgusting display of brawling outside Websters last Tuesday morning, in which at least two people died.

          May Vest aged 103 and Notty Lottalife Aged 107 both died at the scene, where up to a dozen of the ‘Silver Haired Gang’ fought to disentangle zimmers and handbags allegedly caused by several of them ‘tripping’

          I don’t know exactly what drugs were involved, but it’s evident their uptake has increased in the village by the fact the Pharmacist has a big new shiny cadillac.

          • Newt's Alad

            March 24, 2015 at 10:18 pm

            Oh, they were shot, incidentally. By PCSO’s Vance & Biles. Accidental discharge, apparently.

            Suffered one myself too, when the jolly old gun went orf….

  10. Judge Dredd

    March 24, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    Prepare to be judged!

    How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? I knew you’d say that……

    Liking your style Suffolk Cops.

  11. Newt Salad

    March 24, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    I think dispatching firearms along with community controlled Speedwatch set ups is going a little too far.

    Most of the volunteers operating these are elderly.

    They might easily confuse a ‘Happy Smiley’ With an ‘Unhappy Smiley’ and shoot indiscriminately.

    They should have to pass an eye test, at least.

  12. Nigel Farage

    March 24, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    I am entirely in favor of this new scheme! I for one absolutely HATE criminals and wish pain upon all of those scum.

    • The Editor

      March 24, 2015 at 8:20 pm

      Dear Mr Farage,

      Have you been drinking again?

      Regards,
      The Editor

  13. Reggie Kray

    March 24, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    I’m a reformed man and am in favour of this.

    • The Editor

      March 24, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      Dear Reggie,

      I thought you were dead?

      Send my regards to Ronnie.

      The Editor

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