Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Michael Gove insists cocaine users do not need to stockpile ahead of Brexit

Worried cocaine users do not need to stockpile the drug ahead of a no-deal Brexit, the Government insists.

Michael Gove, who is responsible for preparing for no deal, and who is an expert on the cocaine market, says supplies will not be interrupted after October 31.

But with customs checks set to increase at the borders, there are fears of widespread delivery delays to dealers.

Cocaine user Steve Walshe said: “Everyone bangs on about possible shortages of avocados, Spanish tomatoes and medicines, but no one has mentioned cocaine.

“It’s one of Britain’s biggest imports yet no-one has picked up on the problems we face. There will be queues of drug-laden containers on ships at our major ports for days on end.

“To ensure I am fully prepared for every eventuality, I’ve personally ordered in 25kgs from my dealer, which should see me through the autumn and busy Christmas and New Year party season.

“Hopefully, the manufacturers in Colombia will be able to handle this unusual spike in demand from the UK.”

Lorraine Fisher, 34, a spokeswoman for Brexit planner Michael Gove said: “Mr Gove says this cocaine business gets right up his nose. He’s only too well aware of the needs of cocaine users.

“He has been working hard to ensure there will be no interruption in supply.

“However, Mr Gove recognises the size of the task is not to be sniffed at.”

A cocaine industry spokesman said: “We would urge our customers not to worry. We have developed many alternative transport methods over the years and will avoid any queues at the border.”

Image: Pixabay

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