“Tits” Confirmed As Official Term For Potential Titalia Inhabitants, NASA Says.
By Our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred
WASHINGTON, D.C. — NASA officials confirmed Thursday that its deep-space satellite, Odyssey 7, has detected a previously unknown planet drifting at the outermost fringes of the solar system.
The newly discovered celestial body has been officially catalogued as Titalia. Data transmitted by Odyssey 7 reveals the planet possesses a diameter of exactly 52,375 km, making it slightly larger than Uranus.
Images beamed back by the satellite show a stark, rust-colored, spherical world suspended against a dense field of distant stars. The planet’s most defining characteristic is a prominent, deeply dark circular anomaly located dead-centre on its visible hemisphere. NASA geologists confirmed this structural feature consists of a central mountain peak enveloped by a wide, darkened crater basin. The distinct, anatomical-looking formation covers precisely 1/74th of the planet’s total surface area.
Erect nipple
“The imagery provided by Odyssey 7 leaves very little to the imagination,” said Dr. Arthur Vance, lead planetary scientist at the agency. “The topographical symmetry of the central mound and surrounding darker pigmentation dictated the naming convention. It is a highly unique geological structure which basically resembles an erect nipple.”
The discovery has immediately reignited debates regarding outer-system habitability. Atmospheric sensors indicate a dense, cold environment, though subsurface conditions remain unmapped. While astrobiologists emphasize that data is still preliminary, the question of native lifeforms remains open.
When pressed during a press briefing on what potential inhabitants of the planet would be called, a NASA spokesperson maintained a strictly professional, matter-of-fact demeanor.
“In accordance with standard astronomical nomenclature derived from the planetary designation Titalia, any native lifeforms discovered on the surface will be formally classified as ‘Tits’,” the spokesperson stated.
Long-range telemetry operations are currently being recalibrated to focus entirely on Titalia’s central feature to determine if further anomalies lie abreast.