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Miserable Manchester cancels Bonfire night

Miserable Manchester cancels Bonfire night

Unless you live in Manchester – where the instruction has been updated to forget November the 5th. Yes, the killjoys at Manchester City Council have chosen to deliberately upset thousands of children. By cancelling the fun of bonfire night fireworks displays.


Bonfire night – known as ‘Guy Fawkes Night’ up until the 1970s. Originates from the Gunpowder Plot of 1605. A failed conspiracy by a group of provincial English Catholics to assassinate the Protestant King James I of England and VI of Scotland, and replace him with a Catholic head of state.

The plot failed due to dodgy, damp gunpowder not igniting and, in the immediate aftermath. Guy Fawkes was caught and arrested. The box of sparklers he was carrying was confiscated as were the Catherine wheels, rockets and roman candles.  

The jubilant King ordered the public to celebrate his survival by building effigies of Guy Fawkes out of their dad’s old shirt and trousers. A balloon for a head, and an unwanted Tottenham FC scarf. The unconvincing effigies were then to be pushed around town in a pram or pushchair. Raising ‘pennies for the Guy’ before being propped up atop a bonfire in the overgrown bit of your mate’s garden.

No Booms

17th Century rebel sympathiser Manchester Councillor Lee-Ann Igbon said the decision to cancel fun was not taken lightly. And that “I know many people will be disappointed, but we simply do not have money to burn. Boom. Boom.”

As is so typical of stick-in-the-mud environmentalists. The Councillor explained that the local authority’s ambition to become a net zero carbon city by 2038 was also a factor.


The anti-monarchist mis-hog went on “Our Neighbourhood teams. She has been working tirelessly to re-prioritise the budget on community events and supporting our residents through the cost-of-living crisis.

So the bins will still be collected then. Probably.

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