MARBELLA, SPAIN – A Suffolk man has claimed to witness the ghost of Jesus Christ walking across the shallows of Playa de la Fontanilla.
Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint
Jonathan Twerp, 54, from Lowestoft, was paddling in the cove with his overheated and overfed family when he claims to have spotted what he described as “a man-shaped shimmer, striding purposefully through the Mediterranean like he owned it.”
When asked by local reporters what confirmed the apparition as Jesus and not, for instance, “a pair of Adidas flip-flops floating in the surf,” Mr. Twerp replied with conviction:
“Well, Jesus is the only person who can walk on water. Plus, Southern Spain, including Marbella, was once part of the broader Roman Empire—the same empire that crucified Christ. So technically, Jesus and Marbella shared a government. So it must be him.”
Jesus creepers
Local theologians have been left speechless, largely due to an inability to argue with Roman administrative history.
Twerp’s wife, Denise, 52, who reportedly remained in her sun lounger “due to chafing,” confirmed she didn’t see the ghost herself but noted that Jonathan had only had “a few sangrias ” and was not necessarily in a clear enough state to identify the Messiah.
The sighting has not yet been confirmed by church officials, however, the manager at the Hotel Sol y Sombra did say: “Si Jesús volviera, Marbella parece tan probable como cualquier otro lugar. Ya hemos tenido a Joey Essex tres veces este verano.” whatever that means.
Meanwhile: Adnams Ghost Ship spotted on River Orwell
