Busting Norwich Road in Ipswich (Photo: Google maps)
There was good news for Ipswich’s beleaguered shopping districts today after a new pop-up store opened in the town’s Norwich Road.
The store specialises in selling body armour and is already doing a roaring trade.
Locals have been flooding into the shop, squeezed between seventeen exotic cafes and nine barbers, after what other local newspapers described only as a “police incident” yesterday.
Suffolk retail expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Body armour has become the must-have present this Christmas, and this new pop-up store is taking full advantage.
“Ipswich people can now walk the streets of the town without fear of being caught up in any sporadic gang warfare, not that this sort of thing goes on in Ipswich, you understand.”
It is believed posh outlet Coes, also on Norwich Road, is watching the new pop-up store with interest and is considering stocking a range of purple moleskin body armour.
Shopping analysts say the body armour range overtook sacks of onions as Norwich Road’s best-selling products within minutes of the pop-up store opening.
The Queen has cancelled a raunchy stripogram booked to appear at the Duke of York’s grand old 60th birthday bash.
Her Majesty was furious when she discovered cheeky pals of wayward Andrew had booked the risque act to appear inside Buckingham Palace on February 19.
Keeper of the Royal Diary Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It would not be fair on the Prince to enjoy a policewoman stripogram, as had originally been intended.
“He’s already said he will cooperate with Jeffrey Epstein investigators, so it might be too close to the bone yet for this kind of party gag.
“Andrew is under pressure and it might be too much for his heart to take, as he’s not in the best of health these days.”
A more appropriate form of entertainment has now been booked – a party package at Pizza Express in Woking.
Meanwhile, palace laundry workers are complaining about the extra workload since the Prince’s sweat glands started working again.
A source said that lots had been drawn to determine who was going to handle the cleaning of his birthday suit, and the unlucky staff member who drew the short straw is thankful that the stripogram after-dinner entertainment has now been cancelled.
CCTV image of Steve Walshe racing home from the pub
A drunk man who was advised to leave his car and take the bus home from the pub ended up crashing the 40-seater into his garden, a court heard.
Steve Walshe, 45, agreed to leave his car in the pub car park but took advice to take the bus home literally, Ipswich Magistrates were told.
Prosecutor Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “He pinched the keys while the bus driver was on a tea break and drove the bus home to Martlesham, near Ipswich.
“Unfortunately, he had consumed around five pints of beer in an Ipswich pub and lost control on a bend close to his house.
“He ended up crashing through the front garden wall.”
Mr James Dawkins, defending, said his client was of good previous character.
“Mr Walshe generally does what he’s told. He’s a happy drunk, if you like, so when the landlord told him to take the bus home, he took it literally.
“My client would like to apologise to the court.”
Walshe is charged with drunk-driving, theft of a bus and failing to report an accident, on account of the fact he went inside for another drink afterwards.
Magistrates adjourned the case for reports, and Walshe will be sentenced at a later date.
After decades of waiting, fibre internet has finally started its march of domination through the county of Suffolk. Not all is breezy, however, as locals have voiced major concerns over the excessive quantity of data being siphoned into their homes.
Fibre internet refers to the latest broadband technology. Using fibre optic cables, transmission rates are vastly improved over traditional methods.
In some cases, such as downloading a film
like Shrek The Third or Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, this can cut download
speeds from around 24 minutes to about 8 seconds.
In some regards, users might not experience
any real change in their online performance. This is especially true with
smaller and lighter cases of entertainment and access such as general webpages
and online casino games.
These games are already small, so around a second of loading a game of slot,
roulette, or a new betting page will usually only see minimal differences.
So from where come the complaints?
Ipswich erotica enthusiast Harry Long, 87,
expressed his unease over issues relating to his pre-existing heart conditions.
“Back when the computer made the phone noise things was better,” Long opined. “Used to be I could savour a picture, line by line. Today it’s all video, and it’s there as soon as I click. It’s shocking; some things aren’t meant for high-definition.”
Long isn’t the only one having ‘problems’
with internet speeds, as others have had similar issues with improvements in
connectivity.
Mary Grunt of Newmarket, 65, expressed
frustration at her lack of possible excuses.
“Sometimes it’s lovely. I’ve five boys, all
out of school and all of working age. I love them all, but I only like four of
them.” Grunt explained. “With my old internet, I could pretend it was
cutting out when James called, today I actually have to talk to him. It’s
turned my life into a waking nightmare.”
Our final interview was conducted with
Steven S. Stevenson, outside of the Lowestoft courthouse.
“I’m getting done in for piracy, but it
ain’t my fault.” Complained the 23-year old. “I used to have to pick the
things I share. Today, I just download everything I see.”
“That just means you pirated more, you
****** tw*t.” Added a bystander.
This interview had to be cut short as the two began to fight on the courthouse steps.
So far, dozens
of new connections are added to the Suffolk fibre network each week, and the
local government seems to be nothing if not encouraging the shift.
Investing millions of dollars into the
local infrastructure seems to swayed public opinion under the guise of creating
jobs – but at what cost, and how long can this charade continue?
Our time discussing these issues with the
Suffolk County Government left them complaining that we “Have the wrong Suffolk, you idiot”. Additional
time spent with the Suffolk County Council provided no straight answers, with
representatives claiming we were “uneducated”, “unhinged”,
and “probably adopted”.
Whatever the case, we stand by our readers
in our dedication to tracking down all the information you need to know about
Suffolk fibre plans and growing
reach. We’ll fight the good fight, so you don’t have to.
In an extraordinary coincidence, secret messages from Arron Banks’ Twitter account have been leaked on World Toilet Day.
Allegedly “bombshell exchanges” between the mega-rich Brexit donor and political associates and media members are doing the rounds today.
Twitter wag Lorraine Fisher, 34, highlighted the delicious irony of all this coming out today, of all days.
“It’s World Toilet Day,” she pointed out. “Normally this occasion might be a flash in the pan.
“But today it is mixed up with Arron Banks’ secrets being spilt over the internet.
“It lifts the lid on some allegedly startling conversations.”
Arron Banks Twitter
The Suffolk Gazette can not repeat any of the alleged private messages, because readers have failed to buy the editor enough beer to even pay for a taxi to court, let alone fork out a huge libel bill.
A spokesman for the Suffolk Gazette added: “Our decision not to repeat any of the messages has nothing at all to do with the fact Mr Banks sent a large donation to us to write positive Brexit stories.”
The interest in youth sports participation is constantly on the rise. Young people love games, and they especially love the chance to let the steam off through an adrenaline-rush, competitive game of sports.
Whether they choose to play basketball, soccer, or golf – the benefits of playing sports are tremendous. There’s simply no better way to keep yourself active and healthy than by playing sports, any sports. That being said, answering the question of what is the most popular sport in the world is an impossible task. We can, however, narrow down the list of choices to the 10 most popular sports among students today.
1.
Basketball
Many people consider basketball to be the most popular sport in the world. It takes the highest-rated spot in terms of sports played by students in America, both for boys and girls. Even those who don’t play it love to watch basketball on a program sport on TV, or attend the games at their college where peers play to win. Compared to soccer and handball that are exceptionally popular in Europe nowadays, basketball is by far the most popular sport in America.
2. American Football
American football is most popular in America and not commonly placed in other parts of the world. However, interest in this sport is starting to spread. American football is now played in Spain, Germany, Italy, Brazil, and Mexico.
3. Baseball
Baseball is often referred to as ‘America’s pastime’. It is
football’s biggest
competitor in the US, attracting quite the big amount of fans of the game,
even in student circles. The youngest start by playing tee ball and switch into
a league with another variation of baseball as soon as they grow a bit older.
When they finally reach an age where they can practice baseball as played
professionally and seen on channels like BBC
sport, they go for the real, official baseball variant.
4. Soccer
Soccer is a fast-growing sport in the US, with an immense interest
on behalf of students. It is one of the curriculum activities popular with both
genders thanks to the fact that it’s easy to learn to play, and really
interesting. But, don’t think that it’s easy to play – it requires quite a lot
of activity and critical thinking.
If you want to learn to play soccer, check the student portal to see the activities your academic institution
offers. To get the time to practice, get some help so that you don’t lose your
grades because of it. If you’re wondering can I pay
someone to write my research paper, open this useful resource for help, as
well as great research topic ideas online.
5. Ice Hockey
Ice hockey is a greatly popular sport in the US. It was first placed in the 19th century in Canada. Nowadays and in the US, ice hockey is played on a hockey rink and includes six players on each side. The goal is to score goals by shooting on a vulcanized rubber disk with a stick into the opponent’s goal net.
6. Golf
Golf was first discovered in Scotland in the 15th
century. It has 9 to 18 holes that come with a ground for teeing. You play it
by using a stick with a pointed head that hits the golf ball to place it into a
hole.
7. Wrestling
Wrestling is one of the modern popular games in the US. It focuses
on weight and the goal is to take power over the opponent. Kids aged under 7
can’t start participating in this sport.
8. Tennis
Tennis is the perfect sport for people of all ages, including
students who want to boost their focus and let the steam off. It’s a game
that’s played between two players or two teams four in all. The goal is to
return the ball back to the opponent without losing it.
9. Cross Country
This is an athletic sport that has piqued the interest of students
today in the past few decades. It’s very active and requires quite the amount
of running, for a long duration of time. It is run over natural terrains.
10. Swimming/ Diving
Aquatic sports are on the rise among American students. These are active sports with tremendous health benefits for those who practice them.
Conclusion
Have you chosen a sport to participate in? You don’t have to limit
yourself to a single sport – test the waters and see what works best for you.
Author’s Bio
Elizabeth Skinner is a professional tennis trainer who works primarily with young people such as students. She’s also a nutrition expert, therefore giving people complete guidance in terms of how to maintain a healthy and happy life. If you want to learn more of her useful advice, read her articles online.
Her Majesty The Queen has asked the Duke of Edinburgh to take Prince Andrew out for a drive.
She thinks it will be a “good bonding” exercise for Prince Philip to drive Andrew around the dangerously narrow and winding country lanes around the Sandringham Estate.
Royal expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Prince Andrew has been under incredible pressure over the Jeffrey Epstein scandal.
“Watching his car crash television interview this weekend gave The Queen the idea it might be nice for Andrew to go out for a drive with his father.
“Her Majesty was aghast to see Andrew claiming he could not have had sex with a teenage girl because he was enjoying a meal at the Woking Pizza Express on the 2001 night in question.
“The whole scandal is becoming a huge embarrassment.”
It is believed The Queen has readied a bespoke Range Rover for the excursion – the one without any seatbelts included.
A Royal wag said: “Perhaps they can go and pick up a takeaway pizza?”
