Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Greater Anglia trains least likely to have an accident

Greater Anglia bosses were celebrating today after a new report revealed their trains were the least likely in the country to have a major accident.

By Casey Jones, Railways Correspondent

Despite a separate Which? survey declaring less than half of passengers were satisfied with the Greater Anglia service, management pointed to the safety report as a true reflection of their track record.

But they failed to mention the small print, which stressed that Anglia trains were the safest only because they never go fast enough to be dangerous.

greater-anglia-trainSafety first: Greater Anglia
One of the Train Safety Report authors told the Suffolk Gazette: “Anglia trains either do not run, or they tend to crawl to and from London. The branch line trains are so slow a man walks in front of them waving a red flag.

“So it’s no surprise their trains are the least likely to be involved in an accident because if there was a collision, nobody would notice.”

Greater Anglia bosses insist repeatedly they are spending £40 million on improvements so that passengers can be more comfortable while they crawl along through Shenfield, or stop for no apparent reason somewhere in East London.

But the Which? report, published today alongside the Train Safety Report, concludes passengers are not getting the Anglia message.

It found 47% of them are unsatisfied, making Anglia one of the worst operators in the country.

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