Tuesday, April 2, 2024

‘I was drunk and thought I had bought a border collie’, says woman

A Suffolk woman has warned people not to buy a border collie when they are drunk, after making a terrible mistake last week.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Saxmundham, woke up on Saturday morning to find a cow sitting on her sofa, mooing loudly.

The call centre manager had been on the lash after work on Friday and vaguely remembers agreeing to buy a border collie from a bloke in the pub for £200.

“He seemed like a nice man,” Lorraine recalled. “Next thing I know I’m waking up on Saturday morning with a raging hangover – and a bloody cow in the sitting room.

Border collie

“It is clearly not a border collie but in my inebriated state, it was an easy mistake to make.”

Lorraine now hopes to find the owner of the cow, which is costing her an arm and a leg in milk.

Local potato farmer Maurice Piper, who also keeps a few cows in a field outside Saxmundham, has reported one is missing and will check over Lorraine’s specimen.

Meanwhile, police say if it is found the cow was stolen and sold to Lorraine, they will press charges.

A spokesman said: “We’d like to speak to the gentleman from the pub, who is known only as Russell.”

** Hat tip for this story idea sent in by multiple internet sources (memes) and to Twitter user @Hipchickadee. We’re just milking it!

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