LOWESTOFT, SUFFOLK – A devastated family has confirmed the death of Cookie, a Dalmatian dog, following what officials are describing as a “tragic garden incident” involving a domestic wood-shredding machine.

By Our Security Correspondent: Ben Twarters

Cookie (a Dalmatian dog), one of several pets owned by the family, was reportedly enjoying an otherwise uneventful Saturday afternoon in the garden, engaging in routine activities, including tail wagging, enthusiastic barking, and the repeated retrieval of a soggy tennis ball.

According to a family spokesperson, the ball bounced erratically before entering the open mouth of the wood shredder, which had been left running while hedge trimmings were processed nearby.

Oh, crumbs!

Cookie, unaware of the danger, followed the ball into the machine with tragic consequences. The incident occurred “very quickly,” said a distraught neighbour.

In a brief statement, the family said they were devastated and that Cookie was “much-loved” and “not especially cautious” and would be “missed enormously”, especially during mealtimes, walk times, and moments when something needed to be knocked over for no reason.

The wood shredder has since been unplugged and moved to the shed, where it will remain “until everyone has emotionally recovered, or at least stopped looking at it.”