Macron’s Davos shades mask fatigue, cyber displays, and secret naps.
By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks
DAVOS — In a sartorial pivot that has left geopolitical analysts scrambling, French President Emmanuel Macron addressed the World Economic Forum today sporting a pair of €659 Henry Jullien aviator sunglasses. While the Élysée Palace officially cites a “burst blood vessel” (a likely cover story for a spirited debate with a corkscrew), experts on the ground suspect deeper motives.
The leading theory is that the President is simply burning the candle at both ends. Sources close to the French delegation suggest Macron has been attempting to solve the Eurozone crisis by day and moonlighting as an underground techno DJ in Zurich by night. “One cannot reform pension ages and drop the bass simultaneously without consequences,” noted one exhausted aide. The shades are merely the only barrier between a weary world leader and a severe case of snow-blindness induced by his own schedule.
Making a spectacle of himself
However, technology correspondents offer a more alarming hypothesis: the eyewear is actually Tony Stark-style Cyber Tech. Rumours abound that the lenses provide a Heads-Up Display (HUD) streaming real-time approval ratings, which the glasses automatically filter out if they dip below 30%. Insiders claim that with a simple blink, Macron can calculate the carbon footprint of the front row or deploy a drone strike on a dissenting croissant.
A third, highly plausible theory is the leadership symbolism angle. Aviators, long associated with pilots, imply that Macron is flying the plane, even if no one is entirely sure where it’s headed. In Davos terms, this translates as confidence.
Finally, some speculate the glasses serve a strictly utilitarian nap function. By employing the classic “Weekend at Bernie’s” protocol, Macron may simply be catching up on sleep while his pre-recorded speech plays, his eyes safely hidden behind the reflective blue tint, dreaming of a France where everyone agrees with him.
Also, France re-introduces national service – Offers sweetener
