DOWNING STREET, LONDON – In what experts are calling the most organic political statement of the decade, Suffolk farmers have sent Keir Starmer some free farm produce.

By Our Farming Correspondent (intern): Ivor Traktor

The Union of Suffolk Farmers has crafted a 12-metre-long, anatomically correct penis, complete with massive testicles, out of dried horse manure and is sending it directly to Sir Keir Starmer.

The sculpture, an artistic triumph in both scale and aroma, is set to be delivered to Downing Street by a convoy of tractors next week.

The Union of Suffolk Farmers, representing over 600 independent farmers. They insists the manure-based phallic monument is a deeply symbolic gift, reflecting their feelings towards the government’s handling of agricultural policies. Farmers across the UK are enraged over inheritance tax changes, falling subsidies, and supermarket exploitation, which they argue are squeezing the industry dry.

Stuck Farmer

“Our livelihoods aaaare being shaaafted, so we thought this was the most appropriate response,” said Gordon Spade, a third-generation Suffolk farmer. “We waaaanted to ensure Staaaarmer gets the message loud and clear. It’s big. It stinks. And, much like current government policy, it’s an absolute load of bollocks.”

Downing Street officials have yet to comment on the impending arrival of the colossal composted codpiece. Though sources suggest urgent discussions are underway regarding sanitation protocols and potential hosepipe deployment.

Meanwhile, farmers have promised further manure-based demonstrations if their concerns continue to be ignored. “We’ve got plenty more where that came fraaam,” Spade warned. “And if necessary, we’ll move on to loife-soized cow dung effigies of Staaaarmer himself.”

As tensions mount between government and farmers. One thing is certain: next week, Downing Street is in for one hell of a delivery.