ROAD TRIP, UK – Motorists in Suffolk are bracing for what is being hailed as “Britain’s most scenic overnight detour” after Sizewell C confirmed the A12 will be closed for three nights, with a diversion route taking drivers on a 900-mile tour of the UK’s motorway network via Edinburgh, Manchester, and Birmingham.

By our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

In a letter to residents, the nuclear power plant explained that the closures – from August 31 to September 3, between 8pm and 5am – are essential for the installation of a lane guard, drainage crossings, and the much-anticipated Friday Street roundabout. The route, they claim, was designed to “minimise disruption” by keeping motorists well away from the roadworks.

“We could have just put a simple 12-mile diversion in place,” a spokesperson said, “but frankly, that wouldn’t have showcased Britain’s motorway service stations, and people would miss out on the opportunity to accidentally end up in Scotland.”

Nuclear waste of time

The official diversion map – which resembles an oversized tampon– takes drivers from Suffolk up the A1 to Edinburgh, across the M8 to Glasgow, down the M6 through Manchester, skirting Birmingham, and finally looping back to Leiston in time for breakfast.

Local reaction has been mixed. Some residents are calling it “madness,” while others are embracing the idea of treating their trip to Tesco as a three-day staycation.

National Highways confirmed the plan is “technically legal” and “probably fine,” though they admit it may add “one or two hundred litres” to a driver’s average fuel bill. Sizewell C has promised commemorative T-shirts for anyone completing the full diversion, reading: I survived the Friday Street roundabout roadworks.

Meanwhile: Sizewell family alarmed by cat’s changing appearance