Northumbrian Water customer billed £52 million a month by mistake.
By Our Consumer Correspondent: Colin Allcabs
Bill Thompson, 62, of Lesbury, thought his world had collapsed this week when a letter from Northumbrian Water informed him that his new monthly bill would be an eye-watering £52 million.
The letter, which cheerfully read, “Fifty-two million pounds a month. We’re asking every household to join in,” sent Thompson into a mild panic. “I nearly choked on my Hobnob,” he told reporters. “Then I dropped my tea on my foot. I’ve had gas bills before, but nothing like this.”
Neighbours reported similar hysteria after receiving identical letters. One pensioner was seen muttering about selling the cat on eBay, while another began Googling how to move to Scotland, “where it always rains, so water must be free.”
Northumbrian Water was quick to clarify the error, explaining that the £52 million figure actually referred to a fundraising target for international charity WaterAid, not an individual customer’s bill. “We would like to reassure customers that they will not, in fact, be charged the GDP of a small nation for their tap water,” a spokesperson said. “We regret any tea-related injuries this misunderstanding may have caused.”
Critics, however, have slammed the wording of the campaign. Consumer watchdogs described it as “the most terrifying piece of post since the TV licence renewal.” Others suggested WaterAid might want to reconsider its approach, with one angry resident quipping, “If they need that much money, they should just privatise rain.”
Thompson, having regained composure (and cleaned his carpet), remains unconvinced. “I wouldn’t mind giving a few quid to charity,” he said, “but £52 million a month? I don’t think my overdraft could take the strain.”
For now, Northumbrian Water customers can breathe easy – though many say they’ll be reading their post with oven gloves and a stiff drink in future.
