Friday, January 13, 2023

Only morons shop at Morrisons

Only morons shop at Morrisons
Only morons shop at Morrisons

A disgruntled former Morrisons shop assistant has been fired for telling customers that only morons shop at Morrisons.

Marjorie Badger (62) had worked in East Suffolk’s, Beccles branch for what felt like a thousand years when she was summarily dismissed for pointing out to customers that products they had chosen could be bought cheaper elsewhere. To the annoyance of managers at the store, Marjorie would sometimes walk around the store, tapping customers on the shoulder before whispering to them in which shops they could get a better deal.

Aunt Bessie’s Jam Roly Poly (Morrisons £2.29 / ASDA £2.00)

We spoke to Mrs Badger as we sat in her car sharing 6 ASDA Pork Sausage Rolls – £1.85 (Morrisons 6 Fresh Bake Pork Sausage Rolls – £2.39). Badger was teary-eyed as she spoke to this reporter “Oi don’t know wart oi did wrarng. Sob. Arl oi dun was tell the truth.” Said roly-poly Badger. She went on “Oim a Christian with cats, and arl oi was doin’ was troiyin to ‘elp people save a few pennies y’know?”

Badger dribbled pastry crumbs mixed with saliva as she recounted the moment she was frogmarched from the store on the day of her sacking. “We were runnin’ a promotion about some frozen goods.

Cheps ‘n’ potato warfles ‘n’ things loike that. Oi knew that ASDA was sellin’ the same or similar products for less. So wart oi dun was oi cloimbed inside the freezer, laid down an’ pulled the sliding door shut over moi face. It was loike an oicy carfin. You  know… a carfin… wart people are buried in.

So anyways, Oi wait a bit an’ then this old lady comes an’ sloides open the carfin lid. Quick as a flash, oi sits bolt upright and shouts ‘Don’t be a moron! You can get these cheaper at ASDA!’ Well, the old dear, bless ‘er – she gart the froight of ‘er loife. Her hat farls off and ‘er body goes into spasms and then she hits the deck. It were pandemonium, then. People were screamin’ and then the manager came and they dragged me out of the freezer. ‘N’ that were that.”

‘Morrisons Makes It’ (more expensive)

We wanted to check Badger’s claim that only morons shop at Morrisons so we did a quick price comparison with an anonymous rival supermarket – ASDA. Here’s what we found…

Morrisons and Asda price comparison

So there we have it. Badger is correct, only morons shop at Morrisons!

THE SUFFOLK GAZETTE WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY THAT THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR ASDA. HOWEVER, IF THIS ARTICLE DOES COME TO THE ATTENTION OF ASDA HEAD OFFICE, FREE GIFTS OF WINE, CHEESE, AND TWIGLETS WILL NOT BE REFUSED.

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