Suffolk treasure hunters recover an enormous mystery organ instead of pirate gold off north sea.

By Our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

A marine salvage operation searching for long-lost pirate treasure off the coast of Suffolk has instead recovered what investigators are carefully describing as a “75-foot anatomical curiosity.”

The object, hauled from the seabed after sonar detected an unusual bell-shaped outline, was initially assumed to be a mast, figurehead or possibly an anchor of uncommon confidence. It was only once the item breached the surface that crew members realised they were dealing with a colossal, seaweed-covered knob.

Measuring approximately 75 feet in length and requiring three winches to lift, the object has left experts divided as to its origin. Some marine biologists have suggested it may have belonged to a blue whale, although others point out that blue whales are not widely known for misplacing individual organs of this scale. More speculative voices have raised the possibility of an undiscovered sea monster, while one crew member privately suggested it might simply be “a hen night inflatable gone wrong.”

Re-dick-ulous

The recovery team, operating out of Lowestoft, had been prospecting the area following rumours of a 17th-century pirate hoard. Instead of gold coins, they now find themselves guarding the largest detached member ever brought ashore in British waters. The Coastguard confirmed that no laws appear to have been broken, though guidance on storage remains unclear.

Local residents have been advised not to approach the quayside, where the object is currently concealed beneath tarpaulin “for decency and health and safety reasons.” Children, in particular, are being redirected toward more conventional maritime points of interest.

With no obvious museum willing to display it, the salvage company has indicated it may sell the item to an overseas buyer. Industry insiders suggest interest from private collectors in China, where rare marine specimens are sometimes regarded as delicacies or medicinal curiosities.

For now, the crew remain philosophical. “We were hoping for a crock of gold,” said the project manager. “But instead we got a c*ck of old.”