GILDED CAGE, SUFFOLK – A pet cockatoo from Brome, Suffolk, has soared to internet stardom after being crowned Most Glamorous Cockatoo in a national online competition.

Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint

The bird in question, a preening white-feathered diva named Faye, is the beloved (and occasionally bullied) pet of Linda Cragg, 62, a retired marmite jar-filler who now spends her days polishing bird perches and defending Faye’s increasingly unhinged ego.

Pet Cockatoo

“She’s always been a bit of a show-off,” admits Linda, proudly clutching the digital rosette printed from Facebook. “Ever since she saw her own reflection in the toaster, she’s believed she’s royalty.”

Neighbours have described Faye as “highly narcissistic,” “deeply self-absorbed,” and “probably too fabulous to be legally classified as a bird.” She’s known to squawk unsolicited compliments at herself, such as: “I flew past a window and it asked for my autograph!”, “When I enter a room, even the wallpaper gasps!”, and “Other birds ask if I’m high maintenance — honey, I am the peak!”

Top seed

The online competition saw over 500 feathered hopefuls entered by doting pet owners nationwide. But it was Faye’s poise, pristine plumage, and what judges referred to as her “six-inch legs of sultry splendour” that clinched the title.

“Frankly, she walked it,” said head judge and noted budgerigar influencer, Clive Featherstone. “She didn’t just strut — she glided like she knew the world was watching.”

Since her win, Faye has demanded a silk-covered perch, daily mirror time. It is rumoured to be working on a memoir titled Winged & Winning: The Faye Story.

Linda, for her part, just hopes fame won’t go to her head. Too late.

Meanwhile: Cocky Cockatoos Captured at Zoo for swearing at visitors