Wednesday, September 28, 2022

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Suffolk publisher sacks ‘lazy’ God

WORLD EXCLUSIVE
By Evan Elpuss
Religious Affairs Editor

A leading book publisher has torn up its contract with God because he has not produced any new material for over 2,000 years.

Biblical Publications Corp., based in Laxfield, Suffolk, became increasingly concerned God had not written a thing since his debut blockbuster featuring the Old and New Testaments.

They were also frustrated he had not bothered making and public appearances recently.

Chief executive Ronnie Wilson fumed: “We had a contract in place for five books, but after the success of the Bible, God seems to have got writer’s block.

“You’d think he would have loads of ideas to work with, especially as – and this is between you and I – most of it was made up anyway.

“In the end he stopped taking our calls and our letters were returned unopened. He might think he is the supreme being and ruler of all moral authority, but we sacked him for being lazy.”

A spokesman for God said he was upset but not surprised by the Suffolk publisher’s decision.

“He realises over 2,000 years is quite a long time to wait for a new book – but he has been quite busy recently.

“Biblical Publications Corp. is entitled to take a stand – but we should point out it religiously makes a healthy profit each year with royalties from the first book.”

One disappointed local fan of the Bible series, Mavis Callaghan, 78, of Framlingham, said: “I enjoyed God’s first book and have been searching Amazon for his new book, but to no avail.

“It’s a miracle his contract was not torn up years ago.”

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