Wednesday, April 17, 2024

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Four and twenty virgins from Inverness arrested

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Four and twenty virgins who came down from Inverness have been arrested for fighting and outraging public decency.

The rowdy women told cops they were desperate to get a man before Saturday night, or they’d never have one at all.


But as they roamed Ipswich town centre bars trying to attract the attentions of rugby players and other handsome men, it all kicked off with jealous local girls.

A Suffolk police insider said: “Unfortunately as the four and twenty virgins from Inverness became increasingly desperate they began flaunting themselves outrageously in the bars.

“This upset the local women and a mass brawl broke out. One virgin was even thrown through the doors of a pub like something from the Wild West. She was unhurt but we then had no choice and arrested the lot of them.”


However, none of the Scottish visitors were charged and were sent back home to Inverness on the next available train, apparently without having achieved their unsavoury goal.

One onlooker said: “These Inverness virgins were most insistent and were singing a very rude song as they roamed around town looking for a man. Had they found one, he may never have fully recovered.”

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