Starmer and Mandelson rank as history’s most hated after Hitler.

LONDON, UK — In an unprecedented shift in historical public opinion, Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer and disgraced former Ambassador to the US, Lord Peter Mandelson, have been named the second and third most hated figures in history, respectively. Adolf Hitler narrowly retained his top spot, primarily due to having a significant head start.

The astonishing results come from a snap poll conducted by the staff of the SUFFOLK GAZETTE which noted a dramatic surge in animosity towards the two Labour grandees. Sir Keir’s approval ratings, already lower than crocodile piss, plummeted further after an internal party memo accidentally ranked him “less popular than lukewarm tea.”

Not well-liked

Lord Mandelson, meanwhile, secured his bronze medal in vilification following revelations that he allegedly exchanged classified state secrets with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Sources close to the investigation suggest the “secrets” mainly involved the precise biscuit-to-tea ratio favored at diplomatic functions, but the optics were, as one expert put it, “shite.”

“It’s a testament to their contemporary impact,” stated Professor Quentin Frown, head of the Institute. “To outrank figures like Ivan the Terrible or Pol Pot, who, let’s not forget, specialized in actual ‘terrible’ things, shows a truly unique talent for generating widespread disdain. It’s almost impressive.”

While Starmer’s rise to infamy is attributed to a combination of political inertia, perceived broken promises, and an uncanny ability to inspire mild irritation, Mandelson’s position is more… spicy. “Giving away state secrets is one thing,” mused an anonymous Whitehall source, “but giving them to Epstein? That’s just not cricket.”

As for the future, experts predict that if current trends continue, Starmer could potentially dethrone Hitler by the next fiscal quarter, unless of course, he finally delivers on his promise to release the sausages.